Hello love!

You may be wondering how you made it with the bouts of anxiety, overthinking, self-harm episodes, panic attacks and defeat you are having now. Well, you did. You made it. But not without battle scars and bruises to the heart. You made it because you were strong. You made it because you are His warrior princess. And though you won’t survive without being wounded, there are a few things I want you to remember, love. 

It wasn’t your fault.

All those things you had no control over, they weren’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself. Stop imprisoning yourself in guilt. Things had to happen. And even though it left you with sleepless nights and the decrease of your self-worth and drunken moments on the bathroom floor crying and thinking how dirty and unworthy you are, it led you to become the strong warrior that you are. You are loved despite and in spite of that. No part of your past will ever determine the state of your beautiful future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Never seek for validation from others.

You are more than enough. You don’t need to seek validation from the amount of reacts you get on Facebook or the number of retweets and likes and followers on Twitter and Instagram. You don’t have to bare your body for the world to see or bathe yourself in glutathione and papaya scrubs and whitening lotions or take huge amounts of those awful tasting sienna tea leaves. Your worth is not measured by the amount of people who think you’re beautiful or smart or sexy or amazing based on the world’s standards. You are you. And you were fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who thinks you rule the world with your beauty and grace. (Psalm 139)

The  length of time you know someone doesn’t measure how much you know who they really are.

Just because you’ve known someone for a long time doesn’t mean you actually know who they really are. And just because you’ve known that guy or have been friends with him for a long times doesn’t mean he could be the one and that he wouldn’t hurt you. Someone you just met on a bus might actually be more genuine than that friend you’ve had for years. Time does not measure how much you know someone. Sometimes, love, we don’t even know ourselves and that’s okay. Life is a never ending process of learning and knowing ourselves and others.

Trust in God’s perfect timing.

You could be struggling now, but know that God has a perfect time for everything even if it means delayed graduations or taking people away from your life. You’re gonna get a lot of those “not nows” and “waits” from our Father because He has planned everything out for you even to the most minute details. So don’t worry about sudden redirections or moments where you feel lost. Those are His plans taking over. Have faith and keep going, love. Every wrong turn will eventually lead you back to the right path.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It is, love. We all have those days where we feel like nothing could ever get better. Those days where sulking in your bed is he best idea. But smiling and pretending you’re fine will not make it any better. Cry if you have to. Embrace your sadness and your grief and your brokeness, love. Tell people how you’re not feeling okay and maybe they could help make you feel better. Not every day is perfect, love. We all fall down. And it is in our most vulnerable state that we feel His warm embrace and love the most.

Alone doesn’t always mean lonely.

Sometimes it is when you are alone that you get to see the beauty that surrounds you. Sometimes it is when you are alone that the Lord speaks to you and gives you those little “kilig” moments that you’ve been longing for with Him. You can be alone and still be together with our Father. You can be alone and still be happy while appreciating the quietness and calm. You can be alone and not be lonely 

Don’t look for love in all the wrong places.

You don’t need a boyfriend to feel loved. Don’t be pressured to look for one just because everyone else has one. Take your time in knowing and loving yourself first, love. Take your time in appreciating the most beautiful things about you. Take your time in feeling the love that comes from the embrace from your Mom and Dad or the “kilig” you feel from God’s surprises and words or the happiness you get from your little brother’s unexpected kisses and hugs. You don’t need a boyfriend, love. The love you get from your family, from your friends, from our First Love in Heaven is more than enough.

Everything will be fine.

It will be. It may seem hopeless now, but I assure you, love, you will make it. You will be okay. And one day, you will look back and give yourself a pat on the back because you did it. You conquered your Goliaths. You’ve torn down walls. You’re faith became stronger.

So my dear young self, I leave with these parting words. I am proud of you. Always was, always will be. You will become the person that will make you proud. You will become the person that you’ve always wanted to be – a strong, prayerful, Godly woman. You will be great, love. Have faith in His promises.

With much love and prayers,

Your older self