Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.

A THREAD

Him: Bakit takot kang magmahal?

Me: (Speechless)

Him: Was it an awkward question?

Me: (Speechless)

Him: So that means yes, right? I should have not asked you.

Me: No, it’s alright.

Him: So tell me. Why are you afraid of loving?

Me: I am not afraid of loving. Perhaps, the question should why am I not ready to fall in love.

Him: So bakit nga ba hindi pa?

Me: (sigh) Have you heard “you cannot give what you do not have?”

Him: Yeah, and does that have something to do with you?

Me: I believe when you love someone, you’re giving your whole self, the “complete” you. How can I say so? I can say I am complete if I have fulfilled my goals and became the best version of my myself. If I wasn’t enough for myself and gave it to someone else, mauubos lang ako.

Me: Let’s say I chose to love someone nang hindi pa ako kumpleto. Pag nawala sya sa buhay ko, mauubos yung “kakarampot na ako”. Magsisimula ako sa umpisa. Yung iba, nagmahal agad nang hindi pa sila kumpleto at nung nawala yung taong minahal nila, poof! Naubos din sila na parang bula.

Him: Eh, you can love someone naman di ba while you build yourself?

Me: Para sa iba, yes. But never in my case since I have a different need. Nasubukan kong magmahal while building myself. Loving, in a brief time, was ethereal to me. But it came to a point that I had to choose.

Him: At pinili mo yung taong yun at nung nawala sya, naubos ka?

Me: Nope. It was however painful to lose him, but I chose myself because I realize that it’s okay to lose someone, but never myself. Self-loss is a “hellish”, painful thing someone could ever suffer from.

Me: Ako ang talo kung pipiliin ko sya kasi I would end up just having him in my life so where am I? Sabi nga ni Joy sa “Hello, Love, Goodbye”, “may mga tanong sa sarili naten na hindi kayang punan ng mga bagay, kahit na pagmamahal ng iba”. And for me, that’s absolutely true!

Me: We romanticize the idea of love and relationship and it’s cancerous. We believe we needed someone to complete us without realizing that we are enough. We just didn’t realize na sarili naten mismo can actually give the love we’ve been longing for. We just need to listen to it.

Me: Now to answer your question “why am I not ready to fall in love”, it’s because “kakarampot palang ako”. At takot akong maubos yung “kakarampot na ako” kung magmamahal pa ako nang hindi ako buo. Thus, dyan nagmumula yung hugot kong “I cannot give what I do not have.”

Here’s the link to my Tweet po

I hope you could post this to your Facebook page po hehe. Thanks po.