As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” This line appealed to me most as I was watching a local film. Moving on is such a messy and difficult process that everyone has to go through. There are times that we would compare our previous relationships to what we have now, or look for the same compatibility in our new partner. These instances are unavoidable, but we have to remember that time has changed us and we are capable of loving another person differently.
Starting relationships entail maturity and self-awareness. Better relationships require better versions of ourselves, which entails a lot of work. We cannot expect to be with someone who is a “10”, when we’re on a “7” or “8”. We need to constantly reflect on what we can do to improve ourselves so that when the right person comes, we will be able to give more. Aside from reflecting, we should be more conscious when old habits resurface. In my case, I tend to show eagerness and get ahead of myself when I like someone. Now that I am conscious of this tendency, I am slowly practicing restraint, and learning to be patient in waiting for that person to make a move. As a woman, I know that it’s a privilege to be chased.
As I date and meet new people, I have learned to apply lessons from my past relationship. As conservative as it may seem, I date to marry, which entails knowing the person and being friends with him first. There should be no pretensions when we’re together, because we’ll be with each other for the rest of our lives. It should not just be “Netflix and chill”, but doing activities which is value adding and at the same time would allow us to see each other vulnerable. This time, it’s more than “kilig”, because I’m choosing not just a partner, but also the future father of my kids.
Sometimes, nababagalan ako because the strategy that I will employ takes time, and people around me are already settling down or even having kids. The pressure is indeed real! But I always have to remind myself that everything will happen in God’s perfect time, and it will be beyond what I dreamed of.