As I sit down to write this letter, there are questions that I always wanted to ask you, confusions that need clarifications, doubtful words that was scribbled on the last letter you sent me that require assurance. But I know down in my heart that before I let you read the words I kept for so long – I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy in your life. I hope you already found yourself. I mean it. I do.
It’s been years since that day and it’s been a ride of a lifetime. If I look back in time, I can remember all the things we did together and to each other, the great friendship we built, the bad times we both prayed for, the devotions we shared, those encouraging words that was beautifully weaved for us to feel better, the companionship that started to bloom.
From that phase of being a faithmate, we’ve come a long way. I’m a content writer now, and I tend to focus more on the ministry God has entrusted me to do. I am happy doing what makes Him glorified, moving forward from the past that holds me back from releasing the grip of rejections, heartaches and failures. And you’re in a different part of the world, doing what you’ve always wanted to do, pursuing your own dreams, filling those pages that you think was remained unwritten when you were still here.
I could start our story from the day when we first met in the churh, we were so young and innocent and naive about love. We believed that you and i are going to be each other’s happy ending, that we will be together forever. But everything happened in the opposite way.
You know, people make plans. they see life – a successful life with a house, two kids, a godly family, and a happily-ever-after. And then, before you can get that life with the one you love, life happens. Life brought us into the crossroad of choice and my heart cried when I saw you took the other way choosing the place where you always wanted to go-FREEDOM.
It’s been years since we ended. I remember the first few months where I resented. The first few months I spent being sad and lonely too because of insecurities, and self-worth questioning. Those months that I thought I couldn’t survive because you left a great hole in me.
But God found me and picked up the shattered pieces of my heart mending it to be whole, not to love you again but to love Him this time more than anyone and do what pleases Him. The past year have been better. I have grown up. I don’t see love as a fundamental feeling, but as an emotion that puts us in a happier state. I see love as something that we can give unconditionally just as what Christ showed us when His blood was shed on the cross to pay for our sins. Someone says that the opposite of loving is not hating but joyfully leaving. These words were carved in my heart and mind giving me chills and comfort to finally unleash the grip that holds me back on letting go what was happened in the past. It took me time, it wasn’t easy but I got there.
On some days, I’m very happy. On some, I feel okay. There were days I feel sad too. You know, you were a wonderful friend. You taught me how to love before we ended. You showed me how to genuinely care for someone close to your heart. You inspire me to carve words on the thin sheets of paper like it was the most authentic way to express myself. I may have despised you in the past, but after some time, i’ve learnt to be happy for you, too. I now know just like love, heartbreaks don’t last.
We may not both understand how these all things happened but as months passed by I learned how to trust God more and more. And someday, with God as the author of everything He will write the best story we could ever have and I’m praying that it will make us both happy and finally free. When our hearts are both ready, He will give us what we truly deserve.
Take care and keep your heart happy.