Hey Dear!
We’ve known each other for 3 years already. And within that span of time I realized that you are an epitome of a strong, independent young woman with many “Ifs”. Strong independent woman on the outside but a crybaby, hard-headed, anxious young lady on the inside.
I may have seen your flaws but these things did not hinder my adamant feelings for you. I worked my hardest in order to pursue you because a lady like you is worth the effort. A “Proverbs 31” woman in a nutshell.
I declared my intentions but unfortunately, I failed. But I don’t give up right away. I tried it the second time, thinking you might consider if I am persistent, the fear of yours entering into a relationship will swept away. But these are not enough to change your initial decision. Much worse, is we almost end up as strangers.
There are nights that I drowned myself to questions: “What if I suppressed my feelings hard enough, would it be the other way around?” “What if you may like me but I just had a poor choice of words?” “What if my timing was wrong?” The list of question goes on and on and on.
As we parted ways a couple of years ago, we still kept in touch. There are times that you show interests to me by asking how I do, whether personal or work-related. Your enthusiasm leads me to thinking that there might be a chance. Another chance to pursue you the correct way.
I just got a lot of ideas on how can I invite you over on the weekends. Maybe a museum or a gig date will do but as I expected, you rejected my invite. Your interest is just temporary. I always ended up seenzoned.
Your mixed signals kept me puzzled. That does not stop me… I kept pushing forward. I always ended up forgiving you.
But recently, your chats does not excite me anymore. This chase thing burned me out. Day by day, I am starting to realize that you will never feel the same way about me.
Don’t get me wrong, young lady. I might stop replying to your messages but that doesn’t mean I stopped LOVING you. That doesn’t mean I stopped checking whether you deactivated your FB or not. That doesn’t mean I stopped praying for you – for your career, health and family.
I still MISS you but I cannot gather the correct words to tell you. I still miss you and I don’t know how to tell you without sounding pathetic.
I am still on an unending battle with myself. Half of me says it’s done while the other one can’t. I am trying the hardest not to miss you.
But I need to come up to my senses. I need to let go.
I cannot prolong the agony.
I cannot occupy myself being a Sherlock Holmes to your Irene Adler. I will never be enough for you even at my absolute best.
As they say, WE will meet different people for two REASONS: either a BLESSING or a LESSON. But in my case, you belong to both. It’s a BLESSING for me to have YOU as one of my life’s greatest LESSONS.
So long, dear!
Alex the LAST