One Sunday morning, I prayed to the Father to grant comfort to those who are troubled. While some appears to be chill during this quarantine period, I know that a percent of those people are actually anxious inside. That’s why I earnestly prayed to Him to let them feel His love and let them yearn more of Him.
I think God tested me.
Just hours after, all of a sudden, a surge of fear and doubt enveloped my mind and my heart. I became the ‘troubled’ one as well. I was so confused. I did not know what was happening. I did not know where it came from. It was so sudden that I realised my heart was crying already.
I tried to sleep it off thinking it was just some hormones kicking. But I wasn’t able to sleep soundly. Waking up, fear and doubt came rushing back. I tried to distract myself. I watched some videos then studied for our upcoming exam. And yet, the same doubt and fear were still there, doubled when entertained.
I felt so hopeless. My heart was crying but I did not cry. I got really confused what happened. I was yearning for someone to talk to. Maybe to ease the pain. But I don’t have enough courage to message anyone I could think of. And so I was scrolling through my feed helplessly then saw someone was doing a FB live. I wasn’t really paying attention at first. But I can hear the Holy Spirit talking to me saying ‘to at least pay attention through the audio’. And so I did. From there, what the person said hit me.
I was reminded to be on my knees when troubled.
I was too overwhelmed with what I felt. I let it consumed me. That was why I forgot that I should have prayed to God the moment I became troubled.
Ironic, right? I prayed for others and yet I did not pray for myself.
I don’t know yet the exact reason why it happened. But I talked to God. And somehow, with the help of the Holy Spirit, He’s revealing it to me slowly. It is as if all the learnings I have about God and His Words are quickening.
It reminded me as well with the song The Juans played during their online concert, ‘Trust and obey’:
“Fixing my eyes above
I can’t lift this burden anymore
I know You can hear me
I know You can see me…I will trust in You
I will obey Your voice
Lord, you are good
You never fail me”
I have been singing that song for days now. But those words seem to be quickening to me as well. That’s why I included those exact words in my prayer.
And so, I wanted to thank Kuya Jik (Jericho Arceo) for doing that fb live, for being an instrument of God’s love.
God made me experience something I did not expect to experience. I have this ‘rest’ in His love during this pandemic that everything has a purpose. He will not forsake us. As long as we Trust and Obey Him. But the fact that God made me experience it means that He wants me to understand something/s. I don’t really know what exactly. But in His time, I know He will reveal it to me fully.
