I was 16, when I first asked my mom na bigyan ako ng permiso na pumasok sa relasyon. She just said “hindi, di mo pa alam paano humawak ng relasyon.” “Bata ka pa.” Sumubok parin ako and she was right. Hindi ako marunong magdala ng relasyon, kaya nawala ‘yon. Dumating ako sa punto na nag doubt na ako kung may darating pa ba after. Years later and now I’m in my twenties, she’s giggling everytime I tell stories of simple interaction with my crush, Or even with my ex when I was 16. We are open about love now and even cried over the best wedding video we watched on YT over and over again.
But one day, she talks about me having kids someday. I laughed and jokingly said “malabo yun, mahirap ang buhay.” At dinagdag ko pa “Prayer ko nga, gawin akong successful ni Lord kung wala talagang nakalaan para sa akin. Kung ako lang talaga mag-isa pagdating ng panahon.” Nagalit si mama at nag sermon. Sometimes, when we became so independent, we think na suntok sa buwan kung may dumating pa. May linyahan pa tayo ng “Kaya ko naman mag-isa” and we forgot that God has a plan. He has a plan and sometimes we temp to change it, nililihis mo yung mga magagandang bagay na nakaplano dapat sayo. Because we doubt it. We ask Him for things or even relationships. We pray about it but we doubt it too. Yes it is a blessing to learn how to be independent, but hindi titigil lahat dun.
Someday, someone will come, someone will love you for who and what you are. May darating na hindi mo kailangan iwasan at sabihan na kaya mo mag-isa. May darating na hindi mo kailangan itulak at pagdudahan. Kailangan mo lang manalangin at magtiwala. Kasi kung tingin mo ready kana sa mga pinagdadasal mo, bakit hindi pa binibigay ni Lord ‘to ngayon?