“NBSB ako at the age of 25 pero suki ako ng flings”
Flings, short term landian at commitmentless relationship, whatever you call it I will still choose it over a relationship. It is because I rather settle with those than put myself in a “so-called relationship” just to feel those emotions, feelings, and other perks of a romantic relationship.
People may ask why? Dahil ba takot ako sa love and commitment? The answer is NO, I am not afraid to love and be committed to someone.As I know how it feels and was once been inlove. The thing is that I am rather good at caring, loving and being committed to someone and I am even capable of providing those even to the past flings that I have. I ain’t afraid to be in love nor to be hurt by those that I love, coz I know all of it are just part of me being able to live what life offers to me.
Sometimes nalilito tayo kung ano ba ang gusto natin at kung ano ang kailangan natin. But I am not in that area anymore, I am not confused with my wants and needs especially in the area of love and relationship coz I already know what are those. It is very much defined in me leading me choose to settle with flings coz I know that it’s what I currently need to satiate my want of feeling those emotions and feelings.
Things get broken, and like everyone else, I also end up being one of those people who were shattered enough to became in a state where I lose the will to be fixed anymore. I keep on being crushed over and over again, and like those things that gets broken, I lose something in me every damn time me and my heart get shattered into pieces . You may tell me to heal first and stop putting myself in the situations that only breaks me but it is not as if I wanted to take part on those circumstances.
Despite of my current state I still hold on to that belief that I will be whole again some day. Yet as time pass by being continuously broken over and over again I started losing pieces of me which are those emotions and feelings. Like “Tin Man” from the story of Wizard of Oz, I started wanting to have a “heart” to start being capable of feeling, having emotions again and loving.
Same as Tin Man, who was once a human capable of feeling emotions and loving yet was just only deprived of those due to the “evil witch” who broke his human body and turned him into what he had been, I also wanted to feel again coz no matter how much shattered I am– I still want to be whole again. I don’t want the “evil witch” who in my case was the experiences that brokes me to hinder me from getting what i deserve as a person.
And while waiting for that destined person for me, I don’t want to come to the point of becoming void of emotions. I wanted to rekindle that genuine love and emotions that I once had. Yet because of this I end up settling with flings just to quench my thirst for having a dose of those emotions and feelings just to avoid losing them completely.
Even being in need of those emotions and feelings but I am also still able to give those. I know that despite of my need to feel again no one is needed to get hurt just to have what we need, that’s why i settled on those people who are just like me- people who settles on flings rather than on relationships.
I may be in a state of being like Tin Man, wanting to have a “heart” just to feel again, but I am still aware of the fact that no one deserves to either experience those unnecessary heartbreaks or feel those unwanted pains. And I may be guilty of settling on flings just to recharge those emotions and feelings but I was never guilty of hurting someone with any lies nor false beliefs just for my sake.
People may think bad or have their opinions with people like me who settle with flings. But ain’t it much better than to fool or use somebody else just to commit being in a”relationship” even if you are not capable of treasuring and taking care of that’s person’s heart? Won’t it be much better if we avoid making unnecessary heartbreaks and causing unwanted emotional pain?
People simply settle with flings coz that is what they can offer, as they know they still can’t give that commitment that everyone else wanted. It not like you are being the villain in a world full of people wanting love and relationship, it is a matter of not wanting to lie and give false beliefs to somebody else. What everyone sometimes fails to realize is that each of us is responsible of taking care of the heart of those around you. We can’t always be selfish and think only for our heart’s sake.
Just like Tin Man I know that there is still that hope for me to get what i deserved inspite of being deprived of it. At the end of the day despite of being shattered that I am, and eventhough I am in a state of being like Tin Man I still believe that a day will come when I will meet that someone whose gonna love this broken person and I wont need to settle on flings anymore just to feed myself of the emotions and feelings.