A year ago, I was at the most selfish days of my life. I am silently begging God to just skip the part where we need to part ways. I was asking Him how did we end up this way? How can this beautiful love story of us end with such a heart-wrecking moment? It was too mainstream to hear that we need to fix ourselves first and be a better person before entering a relationship like this. Yes, we got the closure that we need but my heart screams for more.
Can I just say there were no single day passed that I didn’t cry? There were no days that your face did not pop up on my head when I woke up in the morning. There were no days that I didn’t remember how your smile melt me everytime I tell you that I love you. There were no days that I didn’t remember how much you messed up on your jokes just to make me laugh and there we no days that I did not remember every detail of your promises to me. I guess it really meant to be broken—for the wrong person at least.
It was a roller coaster of emotions. I thought I need more time for myself but as days went by, God made me realize that I need Him more than anything in this world. That it is not the love of romantic relationship can fulfill our emptiness but His Word, love and Grace. That every relationship will work if He is truly the top and center of it. That we will never satisfy with the love of man if we are not fully satisfed by His love. That He needs to broke us up so that He can make us whole again.
And after a year, I can say there were no days that I did not experience the fullness of the Lord. There were no days that He did not made me feel that I am loved, enough, and destined for greater things. There were no days that He did not reveal things for me to understand how it worked together for my own good. There were no days that He did not remind me that I still have Him whenever I feel like everyone has already left and there were no single day that His presence did not heal and restores me.
A year ago, I am silently begging God to take away the pain but little did I know that the time I didn’t want to let go is the reason why my heart breaks more. I thought I already am defeated on the battle I took risk but God taught me that its fine to lose everything on the way if it means finding my way back to Him. I have lost the battle but God reminds me that He finished the War 2,000 years ago from what He did on the Cross. And yes, we can overcome everything because He already overcome the world.