It’s been a half year. And during this time, I’ve reflected so much. I’ve realized the things that I’ve said. I wasn’t myself and everything didn’t sound good when I thought about them.
Sorry about that. I was struggling and having a hard time. It felt so hard to continue especially when I keep remembering things about us.
But thank you as well. For not pursuing me, pulling back, leaving me, lying to me, name it. Because I still have learned so much from everything. From you. From us. And that’s how I realized why I ended the things between us like that. Despite of what happened, I can say that you were special to me. And I can still remember every single thing today. When everyone was telling me to forget about you, I’m just like asking myself “how can I do that when I’ve loved that person so much?”.
Because you just came to my life unexpectedly and also left unexpectedly. Like how God let people come to our lives and removes them as well. Maybe God already knew from the start and we never listened especially me.
So I was wrong. It wasn’t all your fault. It was also mine. We chatted, became interested to each other then I settled immediately. I’ve let you in my life. Because everything was so new and felt so right. Until it led to saying I love you’s to each other when I don’t even know if we both mean it. Praying to God together before going to bed which I love the most because you were always taking the lead. And dreaming about our future together.
It was all wonderful. I can just easily say that you made me so happy (and so sad at the same time). Because I’ve found something that I never had with anyone else. I’ve found someone that I can share my frustrations, bad days, happiness, pain or anything with, even for a short period of time. And most especially, I’ve found our love. That you and I weren’t ready for. A love that wasn’t meant for us. And I’m really thankful for that. Because one thing that I’ve just remembered, God is love, God never fails, so if love fails, it’s not love and it is not by God. Unfortunately, ours failed and I’ve learned it wasn’t His will. But don’t worry, by God’s grace and healing, my life went on. I may not have forgotten you but I have moved on. Your reasons might be too bad but I have learned to accept them. And I sincerely forgive you now because it’s just as important as I forgive myself.
And this time, I’ll let God handle the rest as I officially free myself from our past and move forward. And I hope you’ll do the same. This might sounds ridiculous but I’ll also definitely pray for us. Because I know God witnessed everything and He has a better plan for us even now that we have our separate lives.
