It’s funny how I would try not to think of you, of us, most of the times. I always tell myself that I must not be bothered by our “could-have-been“ moments if we were just honest with each other. I always miss you, I want to spend most of my time talking to you, I want to tell you everything that I feel, I want to listen to your never ending stories, I want to be with you until the end.
But I realized that you took too much of my time already, we are not together, there was never an us, yet you showed me gestures that always led me to questions I couldn’t answer.
This is the part where I say enough. Enough of all those unnecessary thoughts that you’ve given me, YES, I LIKE YOU, so much, yet it is tormenting me in silence. I would say “I don’t have to reply to your DMs after you’ve ghosted me” and still I would then end up being the fastest to respond, every time.
I don’t know what your motives are, some of our friends say that you’re waiting for the right time, well then, if this is not yet the right time for us, don’t bother me. I beg you to stop making me feel special today and ignore me tomorrow, stop spreading words of how you would pursue me soon. I DON’T NEED TO HEAR IT. I need to see your actions matching your words or at least tell me your plan if you’re that serious.
Because, tbh, I need some clarifications, not just for myself, but for the both of us. Don’t get me wrong, I desire for us to bloom individually first, so I was never in a hurry to be with you, it just that, these unanswered questions contributed some unhealthy thoughts in my head that I was carelessly entertaining, thoughts that sometimes gave me sleepless nights. Know that I don’t blame you for this, this is all my emotions not being managed properly, one of the reasons why I can tell that I still got a lot of growing process to go through. I will be better soon.
Now, if you’re not ready for a commitment, if you don’t have any plans to define this relationship, I beg you, STOP.