Ako rin pala may kasalanan, for every heartache, heartbreak, disappointment and failed expectations.
Sometimes when we are so full of emotions, we fail to see the bigger picture.
Usually, for every pain kailangan our next thought would be “niloko nya lang pala ako”.. “pinagpalit nya ako”.. “di niya pala ako mahal”.. “pinaasa nya lang pala ako”.
It’s so comforting to blame somebody. Wala naman sa atin ang mali o wala naman sa atin an nagkulang. Sila lang yun. Sila lang lagi yun. Sasamahan pa ng mga biased comofrting words from our family/friends/inuman buddies that was only meant para tumigil na tayo kakadrama or just to move on.
But we rarely put ourselves in their shoes and reflect what led them to make such decisions? Ganon ba sila kasamang tao? Wala ba silang konsensya?
Pero yun pala..
Ako rin pala ang nagtulak sa kanya para lokohin ako.
Ako rin pala ang nagbigay ng rason para iwan nya ako.
Ako rin pala and dahilan kung bakit pinagpalit nya ako.
Ako rin pala ang nagbigay ng sobra-sobra at nag-antay na mahigitan nya ang mga yon.
Ako rin pala ang nag-set ng inter-galactic expectations kaya lagi akong nadidisappoint.
Ako rin pala yung umasa dahil hindi naman ng lahat ng ma-effort, may gusto na sa akin.
Ako rin pala yung mabilis nagtiwala.
Ako rin pala yung umasa.
Dapat pala hinatak ko rin sya pabalik noon nung unti-unti na siyang lumalayo.
Dapat pala narealize ko na hindi lang sa akin umiikot buhay nya.
Dapat pala inalagaan ko rin siya at binigyan ng assurance.
Dapat pala naappreciate ko kung ano lang ang kaya niya ibigay dahil wala nga pala ako sa koreanovela.
Dapat pala narealize ko na sa iba normal lang sa kanila ang magbigay kasi masaya at masarap sa pakiramdam.
Dapat pala hindi ko binigay ang lahat o nag-antay ng kapalit.
Dapat pala hindi ako nagtiwala agad at kinilala ko muna sya.
Dapat pala hindi ko pinilit yung feelings na wala naman talaga.
What I’m saying is not absolute, this is disputable because after all we are all different and we have different circumstances. I’m also NOT justifying their actions to comfort myself because that person did not really mean to hurt me.
What I’m just trying to say is.. baka lang.. baka lang naman even just an iota.. we have also contributed to our heartaches, heartbreaks, diSappointments, and failed expectations.
After realizing all of these, I felt that I have truly freed myself from all the pain that was still lurking somewhere in my soul. I tried to remember those who I believed to have hurt me but I no longer felt the pain nor any bitterness. It was just like remembering something that happened in the past.. parang its just an ordinary memory.