To my almost,
Hello. It’s been quite some time since we last talked to each other. I don’t even know why I’m writing this for you. All I know is that God reminded me of you today and instead of feeling sadness, I felt a sense of gratefulness. I felt grateful that I met you despite what happened between us.
Our story is pretty much complicated right from the start. We never talked about what is going on between us. Maybe because though words were never said, we were somehow sure of what we felt for each other; yes, “somehow.” We shared almost everything and don’t filtering anything. We just know that the love we had was more than what friends could have. I was contented with what we have before but some part of me wanted more. I wanted commitment. I wanted assurance. I wanted clarity. I wanted “us” to happen. I didn’t want both of us to have a clear love but with a vague setup because I know it won’t work that way. Well, it might in the short term but when the feelings are gone and there are no more butterflies in the stomach to be felt, commitment will remain. And where do we both stand when that time comes? That was what I was afraid of.
So, I waited. I waited for you to prove me that you are the kind of guy who can audaciously stand for what we have. Some people might argue that it’s not just the man who should do the fighting. Yes, I would have to agree. Before you even question me, please know that I fought too – in my closet, praying for you; praying for us. But for all the years I have waited, that day never came. Some hints from you did come through but I firmly stood by my principle that a girl never deserves just tidbits of courage from a man. Why? Because a man’s courage today for the lady he loves also reflects the courage that he would exemplify for their family when the time comes. So, I did not settle.
I vividly remember that night when I realized that what we have was not the BEST for me and both of us. You texted me to say good night and you said, “I love you.” With all of my heart I knew that I felt the same way for you too. At that moment, even when I was hurting, I was sure that I still love you. But I had to stop. So I did.
It was hard. One of us had to make the tough call and I guess God chose me to do it. I asked Him why our “relationship” didn’t have a breakthrough. He told me that I had to meet you because He was molding me. He was preparing me for my own breakthrough by breaking me through you. That’s why I’m still grateful for you.
I’m sorry if I had to let go. Please know that I didn’t love you less than how you loved me. It’s just that maybe God designed you to be a part of that particular season of mine. I must say, you fulfilled whatever purpose you had in my life. 🙂
So, thank you. I hope that someday you meet the girl you’ll ferociously fight for – both in actions and in prayers. If you have already met her, please do.
If you must know, you are worth keeping but not mine to keep.
Grateful,
sn
For all the girls out there… A relationship without any label won’t last and you must know and/or be reminded that you deserve more. Kahit pa batuhin ka niyan ng isang libong “I love you” kung hindi siya nag-express ng willingness to pursue you in a godly way, do not settle. Why? Because words can easily be said and written but the ACTION to prove them takes more than just love and emotions; it requires courage, determination and most especially, faith. Hindi lang kasi sa mga material na bagay, sa mga problema at mga sitwasyon nasusubukan ang pananampalataya. Pati rin sa mga ganitong klase ng relasyon.
Follow God’s example. He loved you and labeled you as well. You are His bride, His daughter, the apple of His eyes and so much more (you’ll find a bunch of these in the Bible).
What you and God have is definite and He is committed to you. Wait for the man who will do too. 🙂