My Beastfriend,
A decade and 7 months.
I am grateful to the Lord for allowing me to have a friend like you. My someone to go to, my confidant, my adviser, my best critic, my hater, my beastfriend.
I used to believe that I was born to support and be your cheerleader. And indeed, it was never been difficult. Actually, it was the easiest thing to do for you. Thing that needs no reminder for it was already sealed in my heart. And I believe that it is part of the blueprint of my life’s story.
Not until one day that I felt that you are pushing me away. Hesitations were there, invitations were rejected, and irritations whenever I open my mouth or even just coming near to you. That one day, we’ve became so stranger with each other.
However, I keep on justifying those actions and believing that those are just my assumptions. Still chose to come near to you, disturb you, invites you more, reached out more, and I even pray for more understanding. Because loosing you is harder than keep on lying to myself of not letting you go.
I still want to save what we have. But I come to realized that saving for this friendship needs the two of us. It has been hard for me to accept the truth. The truth that I thought that I never had your trust on me. And that’s makes me believe to be such a failure as a friend. And it really pains a lot that lead me to invalidate all what we’ve been through. I never thought that a friendship with no dramatic history could have an epic ending.
Sorry if I left. Sorry if I chose to be away instantly. I have to gain my trust for myself. I have to believe again that I am also worthy to be trusted. And I have to accept the reality that, not all the people you trusted, trust you back. To accept that you are my beastfriend but I am not yours.
But please be know that I am still praying for you. I am praying for your happiness and may you find the person to be your good friend and whom you can be trusted. I am really praying for someone who can journey with you no matter what will happen. Hope to see you soon and greet you with no hesitations.
Your once a friend and still willing to be your
friend.
