Hey,, you know what? Gustong gusto ko na bumalik sa’yo, sa’tin. But then i realized, you don’t deserve this… I realize, i want to go back because i miss the feeling of being cared of, i miss the feeling of being loved, i miss the feeling of being affirmed and being special in someone’s eye. I realize, kung babalik ako, my intention is not for us to be united again, but for my longingness and needs to be fulfilled.. and you don’t deserve that.. ayokong gamitin lang kita because i am in need of love..
I realize, we will know if we are ready to love when we are not in need of love anymore, when we don’t feel the need to be loved. Yung kapag punong puno ka na kasi ng pagmamahal mula sa Diyos, kaya that’s the time that you will love others naman. Because you are overflowing with love and not lacking and longing for it.. Because love is not something that you just receive and will use it to fill in the void in your heart, the emptiness you feel, but it is something that you will give because it overflows. You are ready to love when you are most satisfied with the one who created love and the one who loved us first, Jesus.
Kaya please forgive me if I don’t want to go back yet.. forgive me if im hurting you by avoiding you.. forgive me for leaving you, but I’m just trying to fix my self, to satisfy my self with the Love of my Father first, because I don’t want to use you to be my temporary happiness.. I don’t want to use you just to make me feel better.. I want to come back when the time is right and when my heart is right. Because you deserve a genuine love, a love that overflows from the Lord.
Pero i will accept if the Lord’s plan is different, if we are not for each other, at least we learned our lesson. And thank you for teaching me that i should not commit or enter into a relationship or something that will cause emotional attachment if i am just longing for attention, love and affirmation. That I should not seek it from anyone but from the Lord only who doesn’t runs out of love for each one of us.