It was first day of our school year and we were both freshmen in high school. When I saw you first on the second row, my eyes began to glow. I secretly loved you. The stuff I first noticed was your bag in white leather and printed by small skulls and bones. You’re too cute in your full bangs reaching your brows that compliments with your slit eyes and pale skin. That’s why majority of girls in our campus have a crush on you. Honestly, what I’m doing after school is to grab a piece of paper and do the “FLAMES”-fooling myself that we could be matched together.
Sorry for those times that I pretend that I don’t like you everytime you call my name. For me, that was the sweetest phrase I’ve ever heard. There was a time when our mutual friend invited me to her birthday celebration, and I was surprised that you are sitting on the chair next to mine. I feel my face turned to red. I were tempted to save your phone number from our classmate and texted you anonymously. I even used my mama’s phone number and even my pap’s. But thank you for responding me within months, anyway.
One afternoon you forgot to take home your envelope which carries your books. Three of your girl-friends asked me favor to take your stuff in our classroom. It was my luckiest day. Because of my happiness, I embraced your envelope while walking downstairs. I hugged it tightly. Did you noticed your picture is missing in your class journal? I took it. Have you heard my phone camera, when it flashed on you? I forgot to turn off the flash and mute the capture. I planned to shoot some stolen pictures of you. Have you laughed at me when I always get embarrassed during our classes? Do you still remember when I burst tears in front of our class when I can’t perfect the ideal accent of our sub teacher? I still remember the word. Orange. He want it heard “ornch”.
I’m sorry if I didn’t came to visit you when you were sick. I am worried about you and really want to see your condition- but… I was hurt for what I’ve seen before. When you kissed her lips. It’s enough for me to see you happy and safe. I secretly give good cheers for your relationships and secretly gives sympathy when you broke up. I loved you until we graduated even if I haven’t guts to give a farewell to you.
And now, almost ten years passed by since I started to admire you. Even if everything changed. Those years taught me to move forward and mold me not to be fragile. I am still grateful that once in my teenage life, I hoped for a love that will not give me what I am expecting for. That once in my story I have loved you. And even if there is no way to get any chance, I will still cheer you up wherever you go.Thank you for being a good person to me. Even if you didn’t liked me back, no problem. Even if we can’t become lovers,( never ever) I know that God has beautiful plan for our lives. Thank you for being part of my life. “Chipmunk”. My first heart break. My first love.
Signed by,
Ex admirer