I was sure of you, back then. I am assured that it is you that I’ll marry and have kids together. I am certain of the plan that you’ll meet my family and you’ll ask for their blessing to have me. You and I weren’t just a draft. Having an us in the near future has always been a sure thing. Because that’s what I see. That’s what I feel.
You know, when we decided to cut connections, I know that there are strings left. That even if we don’t talk, even when we don’t hang out, even when we totally have no communication— there is a strange vessel that keeps on reminding me of you. Even if I am sure that I’ve finally let go the idea of us. That I finally moved on.
Maybe that’s why I still you as a safe haven. Maybe that’s why I still feel encouraged whenever you smile at me. Maybe that’s why I see you as a changed man. Maybe that’s why I still see you in my future. Because there is a strange thing that is still connecting us even if we’re sure that we’re already okay without being together.
And I hate it.
I hate it because I cannot manage to forget. I still remember the memories you’ve left. And whenever I remember it, my chest hurts. Literally.
So now that you are with someone who makes you happy, and I have to see it with my own eyes because we are living in the same environment, I don’t know. I’m sure it is not jealousy. I’m sure it is not insecurity either. But I’m sure of this, that I am hurt literally and emotionally.
That’s why I want to forget. But that’s impossible to do.