To the man who broke down my walls just to break my heart

Walls. Also known as barrier, partition, enclosure, screen, panel, divider; etc. It can be made of paper, wood or concrete. But for me it is made of experiences.

Couple of years ago I decided to build this wall not to shut everyone out but to protect this precious heart and soul of mine. I’ve been building this for a while now and it’s never easy. I told myself I will never let anyone in just so I can keep myself safe from any destruction. Because I know for a fact that I am already capable enough of ruining my own life, so why would I let a stranger do that for me right?

I was doing fine then, in my own solitude. And then you came. I was very hesitant at first to even be friends with you. There’s me being anxious, thinking until when this magical feeling will end so I could prepare myself for that day. And there is also me, whose wishing that this “kilig” feeling won’t stop.

I did try my very best to block you from entering my life. Thought my wall is strong enough. But I can never be less right. I keep these walls that I built with all my strength just to be sure if you are worthy of the risk. But you never stop pursuing me. And with all the efforts, sweet words and gestures you got me, I fell; I fell really hard. We don’t know how to explain this connection that we have but even on our first meet it’s like we’ve known each other for so long, it’s like we’ve been together in our past life and we just met again today our present time. 

Days, weeks and months had past and we can’t even imagine how can time fly so fast. I only have one prayer to God that I keep on saying, it’s for us to stay strong in spite of the distance and the hope that we’ll last. It was never a perfect relationship, not even close but I can say that it’s an amazing adventure that we keep craving for more. We are bringing out the best and worst in each other. We have a lot of differences and a lot times we burst into our emotions and let our demons start a war but what I adore is that we always compromise because our love is much important than the pride that we have.

Fast forward to our second year and my only wish is to be with you again. We made our plans but it’s like the universe has a different plan for us. Something came up, and now you want to break up. You said it’s not the same anymore and you’re searching for something more. Something to fulfill your soul, not even you can identify it though. I was completely lost, repeating questions that I never get the answers to. How did it happen? When and where specifically in our journey that you realized that it’s not me that you’re looking for. 

Pain is such an underrated word to describe what I felt that time cause while my heart is bleeding it feels like my soul is dying and literally feel it in my bones. I was still fighting but you already raise the flag. I’m so enamored that I could not see this coming. Now I wish I just pressed pause on my feelings 

But despite of what happened, still I can say I don’t have any regrets that I let you see through me, because all our moments together are still one of the best and happiest moments in my existence. I remember you would say that we were like the Sun and Moon. You are my Sun and I’ll always be your moon who’ll accept your flaws and keep your secrets, and be there in your darkest hour. Maybe that’s true, in the sense that the Sun and Moon can never be together, just like us.

I don’t understand why even though I’m hurting I cannot feel any hate towards you. My only disappointment to myself is that I let the man I love break down my walls just to break my heart.