K,
Wrong timing, wrong feelings and wrong relationship. And maybe even the idea of us was also wrong. You were my “first in everything” guy, my almost, my sana and my sayang. From the very beginning of. this tragedy I always knew that you were happily inlove with your girlfriend, that you were the loyal boyfriend who’s willing to do everything for your love. You are the hearthrob boyfriend who’s willing to reject everyone for her. You are the innocent bunso who’s willing to man up and face the world at an early age for her. From the very start of our story I always knew there’s no way in hell that you will be mine. Clear as a crystal , I always knew you are something which is out of my reach. But I still wished to finally get in return the love I was feeling for you for so long cause your husky voice says that you can, your intense eyes says that you will and your actions says that you already did.
K, i maybe the kontrabida here on our story or maybe on MY story because at the very first part of this whole set up, there was never an us. And yes, I do feel bad for your girl for trying to destroy your relationship, for trying to steal your attention away. But luckily my attempts are too weak, to weak to fail and too strong to fucking hurt me and pity myself this much.
Baby, being a side chic hurts but being the unrecognized side chic hurts more. We cuddle, we kissed and we made out but you never recognized me as someone who have this intense feelings for you and you didn’t even recognized me as your fling. You always stayed silent about us and it was like all of our drunk and make out sessions were just a foolish dream. I know I was so stupid to let you do those things to me. But darling stupid is the second name of love. And I was stupidly inlove with you. I loved you enough that I was wishing to be you, not to be her. I wish I was you so I could know how much I mean to you. I wish I was you so I could learn to love me and live by the motto “us against the world”. Because you are not just my friend, you are now a part of my family. And again being inlove with someone who’s starting to bloom on your family tree is so wrong yet i want it be right.
K, how I wish I could blame you for all of this shits I’m keeping up inside because this pain is touch to bear. But I just cant. Cause I clearly knew that it was my fault. It was me who let this happen to myself. It was my fault as to why wishes like “i wish you’d tell me you love me” “i wish we can be together” “i wish i was not me so i can freely love you” keeps on repeating in my mind. I know, you knew that I was silently praying for those silly wish at night . I was silently imagining it before going to sleep and dream about how perfect it would be if you love me too. But your silence still remains as your painful answer. And with your silence, I knew what I was for you.
I love you so much and you didn’t feel the same way. I adore you so much and you adore her at your fullest.
Again, I love you big time even if were not meant to be in this life time, or even if were not meant to be in the next life. It wont change K. It will never change.
But now I am half awake and slowly learning my worth. I wish you the best. And when I say the best, I mean it. I’d always hope for your happiness even if it’s not with me. And always remember that I am still willing to love you with every pieces of my broken heart. I will always be stupidly inlove with you even if it’s just a one sided love. Feel free to come back K. Feel free to destroy me again baby. I just love you this much
sincerely,
xxx