TOTGA

I didn’t know how to start, but this is another unsent letter for the person that I loved, to my almost..

Yeah, I loved.. Nagmahal din ako.. Akala ng iba napakabato ng puso ko.. walang pakiramdam, wala man lang kilig sa katawan.. manhid daw.. but the truth is napaka fragile nito.. I build my walls to protect it pero sa isang iglap.. may isang taong sisira lang ng ganun kadali.. Hindi pala matibay yung pagkakagawa ko nito.

I promised to myself kasi that one day if magmamahal ako.. isa lang siya at wala ng iba, the 1st and the last one.. Kaso, in reality hindi pala ganun, I thought he was so sincere that time, but I realized now that he was the coward person and the dumbest one. Duwag siyang mag-isa kaya gumamit siya ng ibang tao at sa kasamaang palad ako yung tao yun. I’m such a fool that I didn’t notice that or nagbulag bulagan lang siguro ako even there are some red flags.

And I hate myself thinking that I allow this person, to conquer my heart even if he didn’t deserved this, I’m full of disappointment.. pero sabi nga nila, kapag nagmahal ka, susugal ka diba, you will try and take the risk even there’s possibility that masaktan ka pa, At ayun nga lang iniwan kang magisa, hindi ikaw ang pinili.

Sino ba kasing hindi magtitiwala, ang tagal ko na siyang kilala since college pa, since elementary pa pala, we are not typical old classmates, he was one my barkada.. andun ung friendship eh, at may foundation na.. Pero bakit ginago niya ako,. Dahil ba wrong timing.. dahil hindi pa din siya nakamove on that time at mas pinili niya akong maging past time.. yun yung naramdaman ko the moment na nagbackout siya., He say sorry of what he did pero anong magagawa ng sorry, if I invest my time and feelings to him and then there is no return of investment, eh di scam yun..

Pero wala na akong magagawa pa, nanyare na eh, we have to lived with it. and moved forward, kahit mahirap, hindi naman kasi ganun kadali yun..

Masakit yung niloko ka eh, pero I have to dealt my emotion.. I have to be strong enough to surpass this experience, hindi naman habang buhay iiyak ako, magmumok sa isang tabi.. my responsibility for now is to be ok, despite of what happened, maybe it  is just a lesson for me, and in time kahit baby steps lang, paunti – unti magiging ok din ako and fully healed na, and also hopefully mapapatawad ko din siya.. lahat naman ng tao gusto maging masaya diba..

As the say, some people are coming into our like, some of them are just temporary, they are just passing and give you an impact to your life, emotionally palang na nakakasugat.. and some of them are the one we called the one that got away.

Our path is just like a tangent line, I remember one of terms in geometry, we both excel in math kaya I absorbed some, We are like a tangent line, we had once chance to meet and now we parted forever, saklap ba.. the only remaining connection is my memories of yesterday to him.

Hanggang dun na lang..

Maybe, in time, yung TOTGA na yan, hindi na maging the one that got away and hopefully maging the one that GOD arranged, maybe this is not the right time pa din, sana in God’s perfect time.. 😊, kung para sayo.. para sayo talaga 😅

At kung nasan man siya ngayon, I hope maging ok na din siya, Even if time does not heal the wounds from trauma, time can conceal it.  As the say, they are not lost totally, they get embodied, at nagiging parte na siya ng kahapon mo.

At tayo lang din makapag decide on our on way., If we have still to remain in the past or we have to move forward for tomorrow 😊.