I wish I can still understand the ways of life. Sometimes there are days that seems it’s hard to breathe and you cannot fathom the nothingness of emotions that’s circling around your bones. There are times as if you are blindly confined inside the darkness of your own confusion and reveries and no matter how you tried to escape your own self, the more it drags you within.
I wish that I can still believe that after all the hardships and pain, there is truly a brighter day that awaits in the end. A brighter day that will let me feel I have won the battle of life and the scars that I am wearing are the proof of bravery and strength that I carried through all this time.
I wish that I can still tell that good things happen to those who patiently waits. I don’t know how long I have been waiting, how patiently I am standing still in the chaos of this mess and I can feel I am on the bridge of giving up and letting it all go.
I wish that I can escape from the nothingness of this emotion. I wish that I can definitely tell what I am really feeling. It is as if I am lost with my own emotions and I am drowned in my own thoughts and words. It feels like so much but ironically, it feels nothing and empty.
I wish that I can go through with time. I wish that I can keep a track with its seconds, minutes and hours. Oftentimes, it seems like I am always left behind and time itself have left me and I am lost in my own moment, in my own sanity.
I wish that I can keep out blinding myself from the reality. I wish that I can learn that things will never work out the way we always want them to be, that we can only do so much and that sometimes there are things that are better left unsaid and unspoken.
And I don’t know which one is better, the one which I can keep myself from and the one I need to let go from believing either.