There was a woman that I always see lately on our church services. We have seen each other as co-workers in Christ but our paths never crossed before. We were in the church for almost a decade, and it was just this year that we bumped on each other.
We are like strangers having the same community. We may have different circle of friends because we belong to different church ministries, but we have mutual friends and still we never met before. We never had chance to have an acquaintance with each other, even if we have Students and Professionals camps, ministry works, and other church events. But lately, I began to notice her. I don’t know why I see her in all faces as if she invaded my eyes or places invaded her. So I began praying and asking God, “Why is this woman disturbing my solitude?”
I experienced heartbreaks and rejections from the past. So I just focus on myself on improving and loving myself to prepare for the future. Now that God has awaken this love that I desire, I asked Him if this will be the fulfillments of His dream for me or if this will be another life lesson I should learned. God made me realized that her company is better than my solitude. So I asked God to make a way for us come closer with each other and teach me to trust Him whatever the outcome will be.
It was sometime in April 2023, we attended the first batch of our Church Camp for working professionals. This was our first acquaintance. We were not in the same team in the camp, but I always wandered around their group because my friends were her teammates. I was just roaming around their team so that she could at least notice me. The camp ended after three days, but I never had a chance to talk to her in person since we were just starting to become friends. No serious talks, just pure and usual friendship.
After the camp, their team set a dinner after our mid-week service. So because my friends are her teammates, I invited myself in their dinner. Haha! My friends knew that I want to be friends with her. So it was like a setup every week to have a dinner together. It was fun and exciting, not until I broke the ice by confessing my feelings to her.
Before confessing to her, I asked first her cell group leader about my feelings and intentions. I also asked what advice her leader would tell me in this situation, no friendship built yet but I want to let her know my feelings. Her cell leader told me that I should build pure friendship first, but if I received a Word from the Lord, then I could go.
In Proverbs 16:3,33 NIV
“[3] Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. [33] The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.”
This whole chapter is about man can make his plans and commit it to the Lord, but at the end the plan of the Lord will prevail. So this is the revelation I received from the Lord, to commit my plans to Him and trust His decision. Casting lots is like rolling the dice. It is to make a random selection and whatever the result may be, the decision is from the Lord. So God told me through this passage in the Bible that I should shoot my shot and whatever happens, its decision is from the Lord. It may be too risky because intention will come before a friendship is built, but it is the Word I received from the Lord. I do not know if God would turn us from strangers to lovers. All I know is to man up and take the risk. Regardless if I get drowned, still the Lord told me to come.
During that less than a month of having dinner with friends together, I have the desire to know her more deeper. Honestly, I feel like I’m at peace with her. So I asked her to have dinner, again with friends. Before we have dinner, I told my friends to leave us so I can be with her alone. Then the longest minute of my life started, when I began to tell her my feelings and pure intention, and I asked her if I could court her. Her response was a smile and a little astonishment and saying to me, “Thank you for the courage”. Then I told her that I was not rushing her and giving her time, and I want us to become friends.
After the confession, we had dinner after working hours on Mondays. We were not just two, but we were with her bestfriends. We had quality time asking whatever questions arose to get each other know better. But this is not courtship, because she is not allowing me to court her yet. Then she suddenly stepped on the break. The dinners on Mondays just lasted for a month. And finally, she gave her answer.
As I calculate the risk, I know it has a higher chance of getting “no”. But to my surprise, I received a sweet rejection. A “no” that means not yet, asking to build friendship as a foundation. But what if multiple “no’s” were told? Is it worth it to hold on or is it the time to let go? Honestly, I do not know which way to go. But God is making me realize the beauty in rejection.