It all started with a simple, “Tara! Sama ka. Kape tayo!”.
We weren’t really that close before. I don’t even know you that much before. I just knew about you before because of “her”. She talks about you before because you were once her lover. A lover who just remained to be her friend.
I can still remember the first time I saw you. It was during a special day of one of our common friend. You never even caught my attention, and I’m pretty much sure so are you to me.
And then one day, we became friends on messenger. Not because you added me or I added you. But because of another common friend that we have. He just used your account to contact me.
Then came that new year’s day. T’was January 1st. You messaged me and asked me if I’d like to go out with you guys to have some coffee/tea. I was still a little bit busy during those days because I was having online tutorials. You asked me to come, but I had second thoughts because first of all, we weren’t that close and secondly, I was wondering why you asked me to go out together with our other common friends. So I told you that maybe I can’t come. You told me to bring “her” with me. Because I guess you were still all over her that time. Aside from the fact that she and I are friends. Then I asked her if she wants to come. But she was hesitant and shy maybe because she thought she’d be out of placed if she’d come. Then I told you, if she won’t come, maybe I won’t too. So we didn’t.
I thought it would end there. Couple of days passed, you messaged me again.
You: “Sama ka? Kape tayo. Ayain mo sha”.
Me: “Sige. Pero parang nahihiya sha eh. Message mo sha or tawagan mo”.
Y: “Hindi man sinasagot. Baka tulog?”
M: “Hindi man. Andito sa harap ko nagcocomputer”.
Y: “Ah. Ikaw nalang sumama ah kahit di sha sumama. Basta sama ka”.
M: “Sige. Sunod ako pagkatapos ng tutorial class ko.”
So I went with you guys to have some coffee. I think that was where it all started. From then on, we became close. At least that’s what I thought.
Days passed by, we became part of each others circle of friends. We go out along with our other friends to chill and relax very often.
Never have I thought that because of that simple “Tara, kape/tsaa tayo“, you would make me love coffee and tea more. And never have I imagined that because of coffee and greentea, I would know you much more and learn to love and appreciate you each day a little bit more.
I admit. I fell for you. No! Let me correct myself. I am still falling for you. As days pass by and the more I get to know you, I didn’t realize I was slowly falling for you. Maybe because I can easily open up to you and tell you things, even crazy things, without being judged. I am me when I am with you. I felt as if there is this certain connection between the two of us. Or maybe because I see in you the person that I prayed for. The person that I asked for.
Unfortunately, not all that we asked for will be ours. I love you, you love me. You love me, but only as a friend. And I accept that. I am okay with that. I wouldn’t force you to love me more than what you could give. To love me the same as much as I love you. And it’s okay. Knowing you and being your friend is more than enough for me. I am and will always be grateful that our roads have crossed.
But I have this question though. How do I stop loving you? How can I let go when in the first place you didn’t even hold my hand? Then again, I realized. I am but just your friend. A friend who loves you so. Nevertheless, what I know is that you will always have this special place in my heart. You will always be that person I prayed for but couldn’t have. My almost but never will be. My favorite coffee and greentea.
-Inday Garutay ♥️