Hi there! I know it’s weird and corny. I’m not even sure if you truly exists. Maybe I have met you before or maybe not, maybe you would remain an illusion as I have not yet considered marriage or even having my own family very soon. I am not ready to meet you and I’m sorry if I am being selfish but I hope you understand.
Lately, my life has been centered in building a career, cherishing quality time with family and plenty of other things that relate to my vision. I’m focusing on other things rather than consciously trying to find you. I firmly believe there’s a right time for that and it’s not my job to orchestrate things for us. Im loving and enjoying the single life while working on myself. So if you could wait till I’m on my best self, i can assure you it would be worth it. I kisses dating goodbye in order to work on myself.
I also hope you are doing fine right now doing your thing. I hope you are happy spending time with your dreams,interests and fulfilling your life purpose. I hope you live a life of integrity. Though I am still slowly discovering myself and have made a lot of horrible mistakes, and maybe have broken other’s hearts in the process, I am getting there too–comtting to change for the best. . I want to be the right person for you and our future.
This pandemic opened my eyes on the value of time and relationships. Lately, I also found out many things about my self. I found my happiness in simply living with gratitude everyday. I found out my why and what makes me tick. I can’t wait to tell many stories when we finally meet.
I have been writing my reflections, read my previous diaries and numerous psychology books. It seemed I have issues to work on and I’m still on this journey. Sometimes I just have to really be intentional in controlling my thoughts and try to look at situations from a different perpective.
Truth is, I had my checklist of non negotiables but then I don’t really have that much unrealistic expectations of you anymore. I just want you to be a real and honest person whom I can trust. I want your loyalty but I also want your happiness and freedom because I believe that true love liberates. True love lifts us up and it helps us grow and be better human beings. True loves makes us love ourselves more. True love inspires. True love gives us peace. True love waits. True love isnt selfish. Though one can give that to one’s self and not need another person, I really hope that I can be that person for you, someday.
I dont know if you have expectatons of me, too but I hope that you will love me for who I am and not try to change me for who I am not. I dont want to be in a situation again where I need to change myself for someone else.For the better, yes. But I want you to want me for the way I think and not only for my looks, money or for what I can bring to the table.
Know that I was not raised to be a homemaker. I was taught how to hustle play, to work hard for what I want. Though I also dream of that simple life, a caring wife and loving mother, I might suck at cooking, washing the clothes or cleaning the house. I get allergies and small hands might have me hiring someone else to do laundry or do the chores. My insecurities about womanhood takes its toll on me most of the time.
They even say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I never worried about capturing anyone’s heart because I’m doing fine by myself. I have conquered my fears in other areas and you can rely on me to have detailed plans for our trips. Just don’t expect delicious homecooked meals all the time. I like eating sumptuous foods but expect burnt or bland diet at the table if you let me do the kitchen all the time.
I learned living independently for years. I value my freedom too much but if you come to my life, I hope that we can only share our happiness together, support each other on our dreams and build a life together.
I don’t dream of a romantic fairy tale like story in movies, I want a relationship that is founded on friendship, trust, respect, loyalty and love. Love in action not just the flowery words that makes me head over heels. Through the years and after series of mistakes I have built a high standard for a serious relationship. Expect I am straingforward, confrontational and blunt most of the time. Expect that I might not be a good listener to your problems because I prefer being straight to the point and offering solutions than empathize. Expect you would be living with a paradox. I like singing romantic songs but I am not really romantic and not a big fan of big romantic gestures. But I do appreciate the small things that I notice, like how you treat me or other people and how you listen to my nonsense. Expect the good things of having a loving and close family relationship. Though I might not be too verbally expressive of affections, I can prove it through my actions and love language. If we’re together and I let you into my world then that means I can sacrifice for you which always scares me at this moment just the though of being into a romantic relationship.
I am writing this to you to let you know even though I have a tinge of doubt if it’s the life I wanted to pursue someday, I have realized that having someone by your side who genuinely cares for you and loves you for who you are is possible. I have witnessed this pure and unconditional love through other people. I have also witnessed the pain and agony of being into it. I hope you train yourself as I train myself to not give up and easily let go of the things that I really want.
They say God is the best writer of love stories so now I am choosing to surrender and not worry about the the future nor regret any of my past heartbreaks. The pandemic taught me everything can change in an instant and there are many things beyond our control. People can make a lot of plans but His plans still prevails.
And even if i’ve mentioned I’m not ready and until when, I would know that when I have finally found you, I will not let you go. I never believed in soulmates but I’d be lying if I tell you that there is no desire in my heart. Maybe, I would just know what I should feel when I finally found you.That with you, there would be no more anxiety, there would only be peace, certainty and genuine love. There is no more forced conversations, that even in silence there is comfort.
For now, am wishing you all the best until we meet at the perfect place, time and situation.
Your wife,
Future me