“Kamusta?”
You asked after a month of trying to move on. Or have we really tried to move on?
After more than a year of our relationship full of ups and downs, we decided to stop fighting. You decided to stop pursuing and I decided to stop hoping.
The day you told me to stop, I mustered all that’s left in me to stop myself from calling you back. I decided to accept that the future must have something better in it for us. I started fixing what’s left and recovering my lost self. And I believe you did the same thing somehow.
And just when I am already gaining back my losses, you beeped..
I should have felt happy knowing you are trying to win me back. But it was not happiness that filled my heart that afternoon. It was something else.
Doubts. False hopes.
You wanted to redeem our lost relationship in an instant. Instant noodles lang alam ko pero sayo, you want all things in your favor in an instant. Instant na magkaayos. Instant na masaya. Instant na buo.
But I wanted to take my time. Take my time to realise what happened and learn from them. Take time to see the beauty of growing up and maturity. And so I asked you again, “Kaya mo bang maghintay ng isang taon?” Of course, you refused. What should I expect?
One year is indeed a long time for waiting. No labels. No commitments. Just you and I supporting each other’s chase for our individual dreams. But it is not something you think is acceptable. It just does not ring the bell for you.
I am sorry if I did not accept you this time even though you accepted me before when I asked for a second chance.
Because we are a little too late.
You already have Jade and I got my Miguel.
Even though they both know we are still trying to forget, they accepted us. Who are we to hurt such people?
I might still have a love left for you deep within me and I almost accepted you back. I wished I could be selfish, pay the price and hurt two other people for us getting back together. But I can’t. The moment we accepted somebody else in our lives was the very moment we let go of our hopes for us two.
So for those who are torn between moving on or trying to get back, assess the damages and assess yourselves. Because not all love is sweeter the second time around. Not all that returns should be accepted back. Risk a fare share of yourself. Invest but don’t gamble.
And for that person who asked for a second try and took it back when he saw things aren’t just ‘favourable’ for him, I hope not to see you again.
