God is good!
I am now pursuing the love of my life! Isang taon kong pinagpray, nagpigil ng damdamin hanggang di pa tamang panahon. Ngayon ay nililigawan ko na. Ito na ang pagkakataon para patunayan kung gaano ko sya kamahal. Kung ano ang kaya kong gawin para maipakita na I am ready to be in a committed relationship with her. Months have passed, I know I am doing well sa panliligaw ko. I have been transparent to her ever since. No best foot forward. My past, failures, triumphs, etc. Until one day, my insecurities hit me. May sinet kasi akong standards na sa tingin ko ay bagay sa kanya, and based from these standards, di ako pasado. That’s why I am doing my best to meet the standards that I made. And these frustrate me. “How can I deserve her?“, kung di ko ma-meet yon. “Maybe she is better off with someone else.” These thoughts kept creeping into my mind.
I went through the process in pursuing her. I prayed for her. Humingi ng Word kay Lord, a lot of confirmation from other people. Nagpaalam sa parents ko, Pastor ko, parents nya at Pastor nya. At nagbunga naman ang lahat dahil naging supportive naman sila along the way. Pero the voice of not deserving her because of my physical insecurities is getting louder and louder. Hanggang sa dumating sa point na I am doubting myself kung matatanggap ba nya ako. That’s when I decided to talk to her and be honest about my struggles. I shared what I had in mind, my physical insecurities and all. If ever sagutin nya ako, ayokong dumating yung time na i-regret nya yon dahil may tinatago ako sa kanya. After sharing my struggles, she said something that made me realize I am having a wrong mindset the whole time. It’s like I’m inside the bubble that I made, she popped it and I saw the beauty of the reality. Di ito yung exact words pero ang dating sakin ay ang tunay na the one ko ay tanggap ako kung sino ako, with all my physical flaws and everything. It made me come back to my senses. “Oo nga no. The one I waited and prayed for ay matatanggap kung sino ako. She will see beyond my physical flaws and will focus on my character.” Masyado kung binaba ang standard ko pagdating sa the one dahil naging mababa din ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. I remembered who I am in Christ and whom He prepared for me to be my future partner.
Then I had a dream. Magkasama kami ng nililigawan ko at nakita nya akong hiyang-hiya dahil sa insecurities. She looked me straight into my eyes at sinabi nyang, “Tanggap kita.” I felt peace and love. The assurance when she looked at me beyond what her eyes can see. She saw my heart and character. I held her hand and teary-eyed I said, “Thank you.”
When the lies of the evil one are getting louder, rebuke it immediately with God’s words found in the Bible. His Words are perfect and true. These will remind us of who we are in Christ. We are sinners saved by God’s grace, God’s masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made. Matututo lang tayong tunay na magmahal once we experience the love of God in Christ Jesus. And remember that our the “one” who loves God more than us, is able to learn to love us even more.
