This could be the last letter that I’m going to write for you. And it took a lot of me composing this. But just so you know, this came from my whole heart. And I meant every word that I’m going to say.
I admire you.
I admire every single thing about you. Your voice. Your jokes. Your laughs. Your gentleness. Your heart.
Everything about you is perfect. And even in your failures, I can still say that you are imperfectly perfect. And that’s the main reason why I’ve fallen for you. Because in spite of your brokenness, you gave me the reason that a girl like me, can love too.
I prayed for you because I really thought you were the right one. Heck, you’re an ideal girl kaya! But the fact struck me so hard that pursuing you is wrong. God told me that it’s no more possible. It hurt me, a lot.
See, my heart was a rebel. In spite of knowing that I still chose to love you. Because you’re you – and there’s no one like you. You are indeed irreplaceable, a rare gem my heart was so priviledge to have.
I love every single time that we’ve shared. I’ve fallen so hard that I never noticed that it’s already making me drown. I cried so hard, so many sleepless nights. But I still chose to love you even though I know that it will torn my heart to million pieces. I just can’t let you. It’s all in my head. You are too precious for me to let go.
I was pursuing you in my own dreams that little did I know, I was pursuing my own end. Creating my own drama, giving way to slowly killing myself. A suicidal heart in the making. Napagod rin ako. Then the answers to my prayers slowly came, one by one.
Sometimes you just gotta accept that some people can only be in your heart, not in your life. God will really humble you down. I prayed another prayer. And this time, gusto kong masigurado na plano lang ni Lord ang masusunod. Mas the best pa rin talaga kapag galing kay Lord. This time, ayaw ko ng pangunahan si Lord.
I am praying (still praying) na alisin na ni Lord paunti-unti ang feelings na hindi naman Siya nagglorify. Ayoko hangga’t maari na lumayo sa plano ni Lord, at same thing din sayo, ang ilayo ka sa plano ni Lord for you. Na-realized ko ilang beses kong pinangunahan si Lord sa plano Niya with my selfish feelings.
“Lord, kung hindi po ito galing Sayo, pakitanggal na po. Please.”
My heart is in continuous healing process. And I thank God that you’re helping me too.
I once gave my whole heart in loving you.Ngayon Papahinga Ko Muna
Pero, one last thing. Having you as a friend gives me enough reason to not let you go.
You are always loved. Salamat
