I’ve always believed you wouldn’t and couldn’t hurt the people who genuinely love you. I thought you weren’t capable of harming someone’s emotion knowing you have gone through that horrible thing before.I only gave myself a few days to think and finally to decide to take that “risk”. After doing it, I trusted you right away. You had my 100% trust.You had it without even working hard for it to earn. You had it effortlessly and I guess you didn’t even know it. You weren’t aware you had my entire trust because it was so easy for you to break it or perhaps you actually knew and still chose to do it anyway.
Whatever the reason is, I still do not have the right to blame you. There’s no place for my whys. I can’t demand for reasons of choosing her over me. Why? Simply because everything was my choice. The pain I was feeling inside of me was just one of the consequences I should face alone. I have to be honest, facing that consequence, the pain, by myself is challenging. I needed some people to comfort me, I needed my friends to remind me that everything will be fine soon, and most importantly, somehow while dealing with it, I saw myself, needing you. I needed you. I didn’t know what I needed you to do or why I did even need you. I just knew I needed you that time but you weren’t there.
You never came.
You never will.
But I still waited for you. Again one of the consequence I had to face. To wait for you for several months. I kept on hoping for you to come.
I waited and I am sorry, I no longer will. And here I am, facing some of the left consequences whether I like it or not, I have to.
I have to move forward without you.
I have to heal alone.
I have to accept the fact that the season of being with you is finally over.
I have to slowly take back that 100% trust I had given to you from the very start.
I have to stop wondering who should be blamed for all the tears I shed.
I have to stop finding out the answers for my whys and just let things be.
I have to stop thinking for your possible reasons of not choosing me.
Lastly to, hopefully, fall in love again, by that time with someone else.
