It took me years to realize that it was not love,
I was just lost and seeking on the process
I told myself that maybe in another season of our lives
You could love me the way I thought I was
That is why I waited
I was fighting for that kind of love
That maybe somehow you will look at me
And consider me to be that ideal woman
But you never did because you can’t find that in me
Yes, It makes me feel sad and hurt
I tried to risk myself through its uncertainty
and still manage to give all I have
Even though it was not necessary
You told me to stop this feeling
Cause you can’t replace it with what I deserve
For you, I was just too good to be true
To became that ideal woman
That time I didn’t accept it as a rejection
But instead take it for reconsideration
In a way that somehow you will change your mind. Crazy isn’t it?
I was very desperate
For begging that love for a very long time
That was not meant for me
But for someone else
Indeed hearts can really be deceiving
Fooling us until we lose our sanity
Then became shattered afterwards
We just dream to be loved back and give our love in the same way
To someone we thought they are the one
But not God wants for us
It will never be right, never
Though we know they have the chance to do it for us
We still go back being prisoned by our own feelings
Blinded of hoping that it could justify
Our emptiness and insufficiency
It’s just became messy
After all, though love left us confused
True love still exists
In a way that it can help and build as back
To the moments that we don’t chase love
But takes us for redirection and clarity
Where we don’t have to begged
Where it never troubles our heart but gives peace
Where it heals and find us comfort
That one day ,
We can experience the love we have prayed for…