A little funny that I am always caught up in this “one-sided love” scenario. It’s like an old song stuck in a cassette player, it keeps on playing–me.

So, what actually is a one-sided love? It’s basically being romantically in love with the other person who couldn’t care less. It’s caring and worrying for someone who only sees you as a friend, or who thinks you are out of his league, or who doesn’t know you even existed (ouch!). Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), experiencing those times, I’ve come up with little pleasures felt when in the said situation that I guess most of us felt somehow.

1. Never ending “what ifs”. Being in this kind of love, always gives you the benefit of the doubt. Truly, there’s comfort in uncertainty.

“Why wouldn’t he chat first? Oooh, I guess he’s too shy and he doesn’t want to appear too strong. I guess I’ll just message him first, then.”

Despite the chance that he maybe avoiding you, you will always hope for the larger chance the he’s actually into you. With all the hope and high spirit, you believe he also sees you as much as how you see him.

Girl, you can keep the faith but until when?

2. Outstands Yourself. Brings Out the best in you (well, mostly); surely, when you have a crush with someone, you like them because they look good, they smell good and they sound good. In short, you think that they are the best among anyone–making you feel a little inferior. In your mind “He’s too handsome for me, I have to be the prettiest girl in his eyes”.

With that, you improve yourself. You upgrade almost everything about yourself–cutting carbs in your diet, adding 10 steps in your 5-step skin care routine, learned dancing, buy trendy clothes, and take blog-worthy photos for your social media account. Ultimately, you wanted yourself to be better so that he’ll notice you.

You’re prettier now, but are you sure you are still yourself?

3. Thanks, he doesn’t know. What if he knows? Most of the hopeless romantics who have crushes that are friends with them would never confess their feelings because rejection is sad and ending the friendship is miserable. “I don’t mind if he doesn’t know, I’m contented of loving him freely from afar.”

With that, knowing the he or she doesn’t know gives comfort and confidence to continue showing her/him your love even if unnoticed.

If this is actually love, why couldn’t it be true?

4. High Challenge. You feel like you are in an exciting conquest. Of course, the goal is to win (that finally your crush will notice you and will feel the same).

You even goggled “how to make him like me about 57 times”, reading meticulous steps that promise you results. You studied body language and its meaning, hoping to see your crush talk to someone else but his body pointing towards you (Is this even possible?). You even tried; giving him candies everytime you see each other and gives your brightest smile, hoping that Pavlov’s classical conditioning would work on him. Everyday feels likes a game and his smiles feel like your points. 

A lot of effort in this game, are you sure he wants to be your endgame?

5. Intense appreciation of the little things. The modern world teaches us to dream big and to achieve more, leaving people unsatisfied and ungrateful but one-sided love teaches you to appreciate even the smallest things in life that somehow matter.

The smallest and weirdest things like when he glances at you because you got that uneven pretentious bangs, he smiles at you for pushing the door when it says “pull”, for saying your name for the first time (like it’s more impossible than winning on lotto tickets), for accepting your friend request you sent for the 4^th time and for giving you written note that says “Your zipper is open”. All of those little encounters you treasure like they were everything you always wanted in life.

Enjoying the little things, is that just how much you’re worth?

6. Not breaking your heart (just yet). Of course, one sided love gives you this always dreamy feeling of a true and important love that does not break promises, or gets angry when you do not eat lunch on time, forbids you from going out with friends and does not even cheat on you. The notion that this is the safest love because commitment is complicated and handling feelings of other individual is troublesome. After all, you are happy thinking that this love would never hurt you. Moreover, easing and covering the pain that this love will never come true.

This way he would never break my heart, but is it not breaking yet?

7. Giving your love unconditionally. No love is ever pure than loving someone unconditionally without asking something in return. Truly, loving someone is different with being loved. When you love someone, you want the best for them even if it doesn’t include you. You feel everything, that even pain becomes great joy. You would gladly cry for that person, pray for that person, write sincere songs for that person and even change for that person. This love is one of a kind.

Nevertheless, this love will never be returned, but don’t you think it’s quite beautiful?

Well, love is like that, the ugly parts come with the beautiful whole. It will make you happy and it will make you sad but I am hoping the process would never make you forget that you’re worthy to be loved as well. One-sided love makes you feel a whole lot of something but mostly it’s NOTHING.

Do you think there are actual pleasures in one-sided love? Really?