Naniniwala ka ba sa sinasabi ng iba na “If you love somebody, you have to let them go. And if they comes back, they were always yours. If they don’t, then they never were.” But why will you let go of someone you love in the first place?
6th of May when he broke my heart.
The moment I risk my chances to him, I know for a fact that there would be a possibility that it would not work. But I just didn’t expect that it would hurt so much like this. Kahit pala na ilang beses mo ihanda ‘yung sarili mo —hindi ka pa rin talaga magiging ready, lalo na kapag nandun ka na sa mismong situation. We all know, love is worth fighting for, but not if you’re the only one fighting and ready to be hurt.
I can still clearly remember what happened that day. I can even remember the song that was playing that time—Say something by Christina Aguilera. I will not forget, those painful words that we’ve thrown to each other na akala naming never namin masasabi sa isa’t-isa. I remember, begging him to stay and try to work each other’s differences. But him saying, “It will not workout anymore, I’m just really not so sure, what I am feeling about you. If I still love you, or kaibigan nalang talaga ang tingin ko sayo.” I wont be a hypocrite, I was hurt. Badly. I told him what would hurts me the most and he did it perfectly. Face to Face. No one knows how much I cried that day.
But how will you begin to unlove someone who became part of your daily routines? I was so scared to move on. That what if I never get over you? What If I continue to wake up everyday and my heart hurts that it feels like its going to break? What If I keep waiting on your how’s your day messages? I spend looking for song lyrics and quotes to find words I cannot say. One of the worst feeling is when you don’t want to let go of someone, but you know that you don’t have a choice.
I was in denial for a year—thinking everything will be fine. Avoiding him as a topic of discussion. Pretending everything was okay, that I am not suffering and pretending to be strong in front of everyone else. I was on the stage trying to forget everything about him, but also waiting for him to come back. And then you’ll realize you are starting to get tired with your thoughts about him. You, thinking of him. But him, not thinking of you.
Then one day, it started to hurt less. Feels like everything is getting back to normal. I am starting to smile again, him not being the reason anymore and making plans not including him on my list. I am now able begin my day without waiting for his messages.
I am not saying that moving on is such an easy phase. There’s really no specific guidelines or rules when it comes with moving on. You just have to feel every moment until one day it will not hurt no more. Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. Then let it go. We just have to let go of our illusions that could’ve been different. Just don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on us, feel sorry for them because they gave up to someone who would never gave up on them. Sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together. So stand up, fix yourself as you are one step closer to your right one.
