To the One Who Have Always Loved Me
I met you when I was seventeen. Just like how a song goes, too young to know what love is. However, despite that fact, you made me realize that no one’s too young for love. That’s why I took the risk. And it was a pure bliss. Everything seemed so perfect. I thought, “Maybe this is it. Hold on. I know this is IT.” It was a perfect ideal relationship. I can be myself when I’m with you. You know every single thing about me. You don’t always give me want I want, but rather what I need. You taught me that not everything that I desire is good for me, and because of that, I learned how to be content.
For a while…
Just like in any other relationship, we also went through tough times. Well, it’s always more of you. I don’t know when it started to grow cold. I don’t know when I started ignoring your calls and messages. I remember, you even came to my house and knocked on my door, but I refused to open. I know I broke your heart when I did that, but my heart was so numb to answer your pleas. I thought that you would eventually give up and stop.
You did.
While you we were apart, I got to explore and become my old self again. I felt so free. I felt so independent. The feeling that I can conquer the world was so overwhelming that I totally forgot about you. Then, I met someone. He is someone who can offer me everything. I found comfort in him. I admit it felt different. I don’t if it was the nagging feeling of betraying you or the fact that I’m enjoying somebody else’s attention other than you. Maybe what I thought was the “it”, wasn’t really the “it”. Maybe I was just fooling myself, and I’m missing a lot in life by being with you. So we fooled around. We did every “normal” person would do. I had fun. I enjoyed it.
For a while…
I thought I would be totally happy. I don’t know when I started to feel empty inside. I don’t know when I started questioning my existence, my purpose, my value, my destiny, my identity, and my worth. What have I become when I left you?
Nothing.
I was a total wreck. I don’t know who to turn to. Even my family doesn’t understand me. Then, I thought about You. I realized, you know so much about me, but I don’t know you enough. I didn’t do anything to know you deeper. Guess who really gave up and stopped?
I did.
Who did all the pursuing and chasing?
You did.
You chased me ‘till I am found. You pursued me even in my wort times. You proved that nothing can really separate me from your love.
Nothing.
I remembered all the memories we had. I realized that it has always been you: loving, accepting, understanding, encouraging, embracing, and forgiving. It has and will always be You. No matter what others can offer me, there’s no greater love than Yours. So, I decided to go back to You, hoping to have even the smallest space in your heart.
I started running towards You.
The moment you saw me, You started running towards me even faster. I finally got to feel your warm embrace and your heart beating fast once again and I know it’s because of me. I’m finally home.
I didn’t realize that I was crying until You touched my face. You said, “I know each tear that falls. I have loved you with an everlasting love. I’m glad you’re finally back.”
To the one who have always loved me.
Thank you.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally despite being unlovable. You are the lover of my soul. The King of my life. My Savior. My friend. My rock and my salvation. My everlasting. My comfort and refuge. My deliverer. My strength. My healer. My Father.
Thank you, Jesus.