What’s sad about almost relationships is that they end way before they could’ve reached a climax – they can be warm, but they never get fiery enough to burn nor hot enough to bring your blood to a boil.
This is probably because they’re usually a product of the attraction between two people who are never quite sure about one another – at least, not mutually. They never mean to hurt each other, they just happen to jump too soon, or test the waters to check whether they are ready to plunge and dive into the sea.
They feed on the heat of the moment, but they never sustain the heat for too long, never certain when it will last. Before they know it, the wind changes direction, things start to change, then they get lukewarm until everything just turns cold, and it’s time to move on.
While they do excite you, and bring you happiness, they are temporary. They’re good for distractions, when you feel you’re not yet ready for a commitment but you’re longing for company, but that could be dangerous for your heart if that’s not what you’re looking for, and if you’re not careful enough.
I’m not saying almost relationships are always bad, they’re just.. not that good of an after taste when it all ends. They often leave you hanging and dissatisfied. Much like taking a bite of a sumptuous meal, yet still feeling hungry afterwards.
It’s like a free trial to a premium account with an expiration. They get all the good stuff for a limited time only. When they decide they like it enough, maybe they’d subscribe. But when they find something else that gives them just what they’re looking for, they unsubscribe, uninstall, and opt for the new app.
It’s usually nobody’s fault, really. They just happen to change their minds before they could decide to commit to one another. It’s bittersweet, yet it can be a blessing in disguise.
To the boys who almost loved me before, I thank you for coming into my life. It was indeed sad when you decided to leave, but now I’m finally able to start learning from the lessons you’ve left behind. With each hesitation, I’ve found my answers. With each uncertainty, I’m reaching a point of clarity.
While I did like the attention you’ve given me, and what affection that came with it, I have also realized what I want out of a relationship. While you told me you wanted me, I realized what I need more is someone who is already sure of me and would choose me over and over again. While you offered companionship, I realized what I need is consistency rather than just unlabeled intimacy. While you gave me a sort of vacation from being alone, I realized that I should be okay with being by myself, and if ever I’d look for a partner, I’d want to find someone I can build a home with.
Thank you for choosing not to stay. While I do wonder what could’ve been if we did get together eventually, I guess it’s best if I’ll just look at the things that I could be now that you’re gone.