Maybe we both gave our best. I already gave my best and everything that I can but it was not enough for you to stay. I was hurt because you let go so easily, anger for you did not had the courage to fight for what we have and sad because I realized that maybe the reason was that, simply, I was a safe blanket. Convenient in this chaotic world. That I made myself too available all the time for you. I became your safe place when things get rough. I was always there giving too much, loving too much and maybe it is a bad thing. You cannot accommodate 10 kgs of rice for you only have a gallon that has 5 kgs capacity. I invested too much more than your capacity.
I was always asking myself what went wrong and keep looking for validation for your reasons but they are just not enough to throw away a long term relationship and I tried. I tried so hard to fight for what we had. It was hard seeing you slowly slipping away. It was hard crying myself to sleep every night because I know we are nearing the end of our journey together so I tried to prolong whatever we had but it was a hopeless case. I thought it was a battle of two but I did not realize that I was the only one fighting. You already surrendered long before it started.
You fixed me then you shattered me. It pains me to think that all throughout our relationship it has always been a glass half full.
At some point, maybe it was me who fucked it up by forcing the universe to collide, by forcing the stars above to be on our side.
I should have chosen my battle. I should have walked away sooner but I loved you. I was blinded and had a strong faith in fairy tales until I was forced to learn the hard way. But know that I am grateful for whatever we had, for whatever you felt for me. Maybe you loved me in your own little ways it was just not enough to commit to me until the end but I need to move forward no matter how hard it is because I still have a life ahead of me. Maybe the void in your heart is not for me to fill after all.
Thank you for teaching me that walking away from something can be a good thing in the long run. That a broken heart can still be whole. That I should love myself more and never forget my self-worth. That I should never settle for something less. Thank you for the pain because I learned a lot from it. Thank you for making me a better person for the next one to come or if ever there will be none, still, thank you for teaching me that I can be happy on my own and that I don’t need to depend my happiness on someone else hands.
I wish you well. May we both find our own place under the sun. It was traumatic but I am doing my best to heal. Thank you for everything that we had. It was great but nothing is permanent in this world and sometimes it is both satisfying and devastating at the same time.
