Okay, so I would be a year older in few months. I will be turning 33. What’s wrong with that? Well, there should not be any fuss about it, it is just that a year will again be added to my existence, yet I am still single. Do I feel pressure about it? Not really. I get pressured by the people around me who would persistently ask, “When are you getting married?”
Before asking that question again, “hey let me tell you my side, okay?” Being single for more than a decade, it is not easy to have someone other than myself. I have lived with so much freedom that I am so afraid that I would have a hard time fulfilling my commitment to whoever that person that God would lead to me. I am stubborn and strong-willed. Will that person ever tolerate my cold heart? I have my own dreams that I am terrified I cannot share it with a man. I enjoy doing things alone because I know I am capable of doing so much more. Will I ever need his help?
I have settled myself alone for so long. I don’t know how it feels like waking up with a man if I choose to marry.
I have made so many decisions alone. I don’t know how I would share the burden of making a certain decision with someone.
I have travelled to many places alone. I am not sure how would I travel with someone other than myself. I have spent so many hours in coffee shops alone with my laptop, camera, and cellphone. These are what I consider “my buddies.” Will I ever enjoy talking to a man while being there?
I do things alone. Will I ever be okay doing things with someone for the rest of my life?
Sometimes, I am confused. I have these moments when I want to settle down with someone but most of the times, I tend to brush that off. Do you get my point? Marrying is not something you decide for 3 months or 5 years and drop it whenever you want. It is the road to forever. FOREVER.
Being single is what I only knew for a long time. So, please. Stop making me feel as if I cannot be complete without a man. Like what I always say, life is still beautiful whether I am single or not.
Please understand that confusion sometimes strikes when the heart and the mind cannot agree with something.
Do I want to get married? I am in between “I want” and “I don’t want.” Please bear with me. It’s not easy, is it? Give me some time. Give me enough space.
It may sound selfish, but yes. I guess I am. And the only moment I would say” I want” would be the time when I have completely given up my singlehood and come to that point where I desire to share my life with someone.
I hope that I made myself clear.
