Probably, this will be my last letter to you.
How are you? I hope you’re doing fine because the last time we spoke you knew I was not okay.
Before, we would often asked each other if we are okay and we would talk about it like we both knew that there’s something bothering us, as if we can read each other’s mind so well and I thought you would understand what I’m feeling because I saw it too, the sadness in your eyes and I admit I kinda hope that you will open up to me; your hidden thoughts, your deepest feelings, something that no one knows except you.
The last time I sent you a message, asking you if you’re okay was 2 days before your birthday and your response hurt me to be honest. It was so insensitive of you to say that I was always doing okay considering that you knew that I wasn’t really okay, I’m just pretending to be. At the back of my mind, I wonder if that’s your way of trying to end the conversation that I initiated and I thought you understand me like how I try to understand you too, but I guess, It was just for us to to have an interaction and the way I talk to you probably intrigued you because I act different with you compared with others around.
So when that time came and you asked me If I’m okay, I gave you a short and neutral answer, I wanted you to feel what I felt when I sincerely asked you before. I know it was too immature for me to answer it that way, but the only thought I have that time is to make him feel the hurt It brought me. That was also the time I found out that he’s making a move to one of my closest and it surprised me honestly, coz before there were times that I would pretend not to notice but I feel like you’re slowly making your move to me. I may not be as responsive as others coz your actions and words were confusing me, as if you’re testing the waters but during the time that I have realized that I liked you, I felt like you’re slowly moving on and already trying your luck to another prospect which I admit my fault coz I have honestly stated my opinion and It perhaps changed your mind and your heart.
Now that we are not the same as before, now that we are back to being strangers, I still want to thank you for everything. Partly I want to know why you stopped trying coz I know you had your own reason. Perhaps you thought that you have no chance, probably you don’t really like me at all and the chase phase is what excites you or maybe it was just all my illusion and I’m sorry for all of these but please don’t think that I started avoiding you because I was jealous, It’s just that I’m kinda disappointed knowing that I got attached with someone whom I thought has the same sentiments as me but I guess everything is all an act.
But, thank you for everything and when the time comes that we’ll be able to talk again just like before, I hope you would directly ask me the reason why I stopped talking to you, to clear things out and to let go of all the thoughts that’s been bothering me.
