I wish God made more “you” so I can have one.
It’s not that I am in a rush for love.
I know Patience and Love
And how they agreed to meet at the same time and place.
But drift aimlessly around
Because Patience lost it.
Then Love tapped, and said
“Stop looking for me.”
“I will find you.”
I know Love will…
But maybe it’s trauma
That holds a tight grip around my neck.
For I am constantly choking
With infidelity from the “men” of my life.
One left and found another,
One replaced me with someone better,
And one treats me like a disposable breathing creature.
And all of them I tried my best to stay
Trying still to be a person they can call.
Trying still to welcome them
Injecting dose of forgiveness into every ache they give.
All these people bent and broke
Every corner of my being.
Having me walking half dead and
Resigned with possibilities,
And tainting hope as an illusion,
Unrealistic thing I just couldn’t own.
Like Patience, I am about to lose it
And drift aimlessly around,
Until there’s you.
You made me break a little better.
As reality bites me painfully and truthfully.
And you made me wish for more you.
With you, I felt ears that listen
I got wisdom from a guy’s heart
I never thought I could possibly get.
With you, I am not only heard
But mattered…
Appreciated and respected,
Been a pride and just enough.
It dawns on me even harder now,
That I wasn’t really heard before,
Nor held or appreciated.
I was settling for a bear minimum
Staying so they will stay,
When I know I am not the home
That could halt their search for the one better.
It dawns on me even more
That I was tired of being tough,
As someone who grew up
Never really have the protection of a good Foundation in human form.
I needed shelter for my care,
I needed a genuine audience for my poems,
Good pair of ears that patiently listen,
A better heart caged in a gentle chest,
Firm, but soft enough to be kind
To this weary heart of mine.
But …
I could only wish God made more you…
So I too can have one.
