When intention comes first before a friendship is built, I know it from the beginning that I have a higher chance of getting rejected. While I’m busy serving downstairs, I admire her from afar seeing her always on the stage. Indeed, we have different circle of friends so our paths usually do not cross with each other. But one thing I know for sure, it was God who started it all when He gave this desire to me. I just walked on water when God told me to come, regardless if I get drowned, because I know I obeyed Him.
In Ephesians 6:15 NLT,
“For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.”
God has prepared me for this battle to wear the shoes that comes from the Word of God. It is the way God telling me that in Him, I can find peace. As long as I walked in His Word, I know the peace He gives is the peace that transcends all understanding which guards my heart. Peace is knowing that whatever God may give or withhold and whatever God may grant or deny, God’s answer is always the best for me.
The First “No”. We met right after a Sunday Church Service and talked one on one. When I began to enter the place and saw her, I can feel the butterflies in my stomach awakened. But when I sat down and saw her beautiful face in front of me, I can feel that the raging seas started to calm down. She was sweet and beautiful. I was really grateful to her response because she told me that she wanted to know me first and asked me to be friends.
The Second “No”. This time, I was not feeling nervous at all. I expected her to say “no” again to me because I felt it when we were in Singapore attending a church conference. In the airport when we were left alone, she gave me a teaser on what was about to happen. A week after the conference, we had a dinner together near their apartment. Again, she said “No!” and said to me that I might be waiting for her a longer time. So to stop me from waiting, she said that I could go and look for another woman who’s ready for commitment. Then I told her that I will wait no matter how long because I don’t want anyone else but her. I also told her that the only thing that will make me give up on her is, if she already allowed another man to pursue and court her. But until it happens, I won’t stop chasing her.
The Third “No”. As time passes by, I discovered our different personalities and character. She is reserved and quiet, while I’m expressive and loud. She feels anxious and conscious about what people might think and say whenever we are together. There came a time that she suddenly ignored my messages and never responded to me. I was feeling ignored and was left hanging. It was like indirectly saying to me that she needs time and space. But after three weeks of ignoring me, she asked our mutual friend to set up a place and time so we can talk. It was two days before the new year that we talked and she said “No!”. I get her point and frustrations so to calm her emotions, I am giving the space that she needs, and I am just here waiting – waiting on the Lord.
Psalms 27:13-14 NIV
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
This is the Word I received that I am holding on. I am waiting on the Lord if this time, He will fulfill His promise, or if He will redirect me to the one He has for me. This is my prayer and commitment that I will wait on the Lord whether He will open her heart to me or if He will open it to someone else. I am waiting on the Lord on whatever He will do. Either way, I am prepared and ready. Either way, it will lead to only one destination – to God’s promise.
In the world’s perspective, waiting on someone that is not sure and uncertain is foolishness, but for me, this is the way God teaching me what faithfulness is. I am really grateful to God for this season because I became closer to Him and I have learned so much things that I know I needed in my life.
It just may not be how I expected it to be. But I know, when His plan comes to fruition, I will see that His way was better than I could ever imagine. So I trust God with all my heart because the more important is what God teaching me in this season. The beauty of rejection is in the becoming – becoming the man that God wants me to be. The focus now is not the outcome, but the becoming.
