I guarded my heart for quiet a long time now, pero biglang nawalan ng bakod ng may dumating na ikaw.
Pakilig-kilig lng noong una pero damdamin ay biglang nag iba. Pinapasok ka sistema at kahit ang mga red flags ay hindi na inalintana. Pinag pray na sana ikaw na ang sagot saking dasal pero kahit na ang linaw na ng sagot ni Lord, nararamdaman ay akin paring pinagpipilitan. Pinagpatuloy hanggat sa Dios ay di na nakinig, ang makasama ka ang gusto kahit na saglit. You made me feel special and you exerted so much effort. You surprised me in your own way and those days really made me happy. You did bring back the feelings I missed but it also caused damage (after).
We exchanged sweet messages but you seemed like don’t believe minsan dahil narin siguro I’m a strong independent woman daw. May be you thought I’m playing safe when in fact I’m true in every words I said. How I wanted to say yes to you, but I’m more thankful that God intervened in my decisions too. Di madali kasi gusto ko, masakit dahil gustong-gusto ko. Pero totoo din na di lahat ng gusto mo ay makabubuti para sayo.
Buti nlang at di hinayaan ni Lord na sundin ko ang gusto ko, kasi nga unequally yoked ang tawag dito. Until such time I need to give you an answer. Ayaw ko din namn na ikaw ay paasahin. Sa una palang alam mo about sa faith q and I made it clear to you. Mahirap na wala ang Dios sa isang relasyon kung saan Siya namn dapat ang nandoon.
I said no to you and I broke my own heart. Mahirap at masakit pero salamat sa God’s grace I made it(on the process). I can say that you’re my one that got away but I can’t force things just because gusto ko. Baka kasi tanungin ako ni Lord, “Gusto ko ba para sayo?”
I’m in the process of moving on, nakakatawa nga lang kasi di namn naging kami non. The guy has someone na din ngayon. Guess what, pinagpray ko yon para namn makatulong saking pag momove-on.:) Mas pipiliin ko ang maghintay, pipiliin ko ang kalooban ng Dios dahil qng galing man sa Kanya, I believe it won’t be a trouble. It’s not easy; there were nights I found myself crying. I have forgiven myself too for allowing those things to happen kasi in the first place di naman mangyayari yon if I didn’t let him in (matigas kasi ang ulo minsan).
We are waiting for nothing because God knows our desires even before we say a word. He knows what we need and He will not just give us what we want because He knows what’s best for us. Trust God’s will and time, it hurts but it will be worth it and someday masasabi mo nalang “buti at hindi ang gusto ko ang nasunod bagkus ay ang gusto ni Lord.”
Hihilom din ang sugat. Makinig kay Lord in the first place para walang heartaches. mwah
