Today, I was able to gather all the courage to look back on the memories we had together. I was able to browse our travel photos and even read some of your written love letters smiling with no hard feelings. I never thought that this day would come that I’ll be able to reminisce memories and flashbacks from things I don’t want to remember. It’s crazy how can I still remember the day you left and every words that I’ve said just to make you stay. I even remember begging for days and asking you not to let go and fight for our relationship, words and actions I never thought that I would do. Wishing that I had the power to ignore you the way you ignore me. Days and nights praying and hoping that everything was just a dream and I would wake up and still find you here.
I must admit, forgetting everything and moving forward is the hardest. How would you forget someone who made you feel secure and wanted. After being with someone for a long time, its hard to imagine what life would be like without them. After familiarizing each other’s daily routine, talking to the same person everyday for a long period of time. Its hard to get used to not having a conversation with them anymore. After sharing some memories together, its hard to move forward with your life and act like all of it never happened. After loving someone for a long time, its hard that you would wake up and they are not there anymore. People think that I survived your leaving. But what they don’t know is I have to relearn how to survive every single day since that day you left. You cannot change things by loving them harder. Besides, how would you unlove someone who used to be your everything?
But now, I just don’t know what happened. I just realize that I am not thinking of you anymore. I can now walk to the places who used to be our favorite place. Planning things on my own without you being on the list. This we’ll probably be the last time I will wrote something about you. This is may be overdue and it may not be easy but I know its worth it. One of the lessons that I’ve learned, healing is not an overnight process, it would really takes time. Sometimes, you’ll feel like you’re finally over and thought that you are happy again and the wound will reopen. Just don’t give up and don’t be discouraged. Take one step at a time. Happiness is something that we need to choose and sometimes things don’t turn that way we planned but its up to us how are we going to take it.
Thank you my love for everything you’ve done, you may not be my prince charming but the experience that we had is something I know I will be treasuring forever and soon I know everything is going to be okay.
