My boyfriend and I were dating for almost 4 years when we decided to end the relationship because of a third party. He fell in love with somebody else.
He was so painfully guilty about it. Because, he really hated cheating. Even songs about it, he hated. But, it came to test him…and he failed.
Though he never “actually” did it, we both knew, his thoughts and his heart cheated on us already.
I was so heart broken and I felt so selfish for being the reason why he could not reach out to the one he truly loves.
So, I set him free.
Yet, I was still waiting for him to return. Tigas ulo eh.
I could not believe that the man who courted me for a year and patiently waited for me to finish college would leave me.
That man who would save and earn from his sidelines just so he could ask me for McDonald and KFC dates. That man who will run to reserve a spot in MRT queue every morning so I won’t be late to my office.
That man who prayed for me. That man who asked and promised God that he would take care of me once He give me to him. I just could not believe that he turned his back on me.
I was in deep pain but tried to moved on.
But it was hard because I was torn between waiting and forgetting. It was painfully funny as I was trying so hard to give up someone who I still wanted to be with.
Months passed but there were no signs that he’s coming back.
That is when I started to ask the Lord that if this was really the end of us, could He be merciful enough to remove my love for this man.
From that day, I know I was ready for a new beginning…without him.
To move on, my plan was to revisit “our places”, “our food trips” and all other things that I had been so afraid to go to and do because it would make me remember us.
I was slowly making progress but my heart still longs for him.
I waited for the Lord to remove my feelings for my ex because I was sure how he is when he’s in love – by his effort, time and money, he will try to do everything for her to say yes.
I know, because I was once her.
But it seemed that He had another plan.
After some time, I noticed that my ex started reacting to some of my socmed posts. Those were my posts about me going to our special places, eating our favorite dishes and doing things we loved to do. Those posts were my way to slowly detach from him. But what he was doing irritated me and confused me.
And he was not even done, he even posted that he’d also been visiting our special places.
I was so mad at him. I was moving on but he’s not helping me at all!
Seven months after our breakup, though I was attending the church at the front of their house, I never really saw him again face to face.
But that day, I had no escape. It was our church anniversary.
Since he was part of that church before, he was invited to attend. I was actually surprised that he came.
I tried to avoid him. I did not even ate with my friends because, as bully as they can be, they called him in the table to sit with them.
The event ended without me and him talking to each other. I was still affected by his presence and that alone scared me.
That night, I cried myself to sleep again.
The next morning, I was surprised to see a message from him – a long one.
It says how much he was sorry about everything that happened and for leaving me fighting alone for our relationship. I could not finish reading it without crying.
Until now, I could not believe that I asked him to meet me and be man enough to apologized in person. I did not even know where I got the courage to see him again.
We talked and cried and laughed and cried again in that meeting.
That was when he also asked for another chance. It was not easy for me to just say yes, but I could not say no either.
Another year passed, we got back together.
Sometimes, the past still haunts me. But, I know that God’s healing and restoration will come. And it will be as if it never happened.
Last night I asked him about this quote I’ve seen before that left me thinking:
Lover never fails. So if it fails, it wasn’t love
“Does that mean you never loved me before?”, I asked.
He said, “No. Though I stumbled and failed before, I still knew what and where I wanted us to be from the beginning.
It’s like winning a race. I know that I wanted to reach the finish line (which was you and me) but I stumbled upon something and it delayed me from reaching my goal. But, even when I stumbled, I know what I wanted from the start.
That means, I know that I love you since the beginning.”
“But the Bible said, love never fails”
“Yes, God who is love never fails. As well as love never fails to give and to understand and to care.
Humans, like me, make mistakes. But love is our hope. Because love never fails to forgive.”
Love is a commitment, a choice, a decision made by two individuals who are willing to give allowances for mistakes.
Ours is a story of second chances. A story of another try. A courageous risk of trusting again.
That’s our love. And we know that by God’s grace, it will never fail.