Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official position of Boiling Waters PH.
Love is not just about the years together.
Many of us idealize love. I, myself admit to this. We see it as the cure for arising problems in our relationships. We think that love alone can surpass all the difficulties that most relationships are struggling right now, that love can overcome the hardships of the world and make it go around. But since we overrate love, as a result, our relationship suffers.
When we think that “love is all we need” we are actually forgetting the essential things that go along with it — trust, respect, understanding, patience, commitment, humility and so on. And if ever love solves everything, why do we trouble ourselves with these things? Because it simply means, it is not just love that we need but the essentials as well that go along with it.
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Love does not solve your problems. Wake up to this harsh truth. If love solves anything, then there shouldn’t be people breaking up because of the loss of commitment, loss of trust, time and respect. Sometimes you feel like you overcome issues in your relationship just because you love each other. You just let certain things pass through just because your love is greater than the explanation you need when you argue with each other; you let love be the reason why you keep tolerating the unjust behavior and treatment you are receiving. You let love be the answer to all the confusion of your thoughts in the relationship, and that eventually, in the long run, you’ll be able to get the answers you need. You think that you are overcoming your issues but on a realistic and matter-of-fact standpoint, nothing has changed. None of your problems has been solved. And the arguments, misunderstandings, and fights just keep on repeating themselves and most of the time, it get worse.
Relationships like this will most likely burn into flames, will eventually crash into an end. And the best learning we can take from this? While love makes you feel better, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems. This is why there are a lot of toxic relationships nowadays. People just mistakenly take love as the solution for everything.
Love does not equate to compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone does not automatically mean that they’ll be good for you in the long run and that they’ll be a good partner long-term. Love is emotion, compatibility is logic. And remember, the heart and mind should both work together unless; you are willing to bend and eventually, break yourself apart in the process. Life can be ironically sweet. You can love a person who does not treat you well enough, you can love a person who you know will never love you back. You can love a person with a different ambition, life goals that are contradicting to your own. You can love someone who has a different philosophical belief and worldviews. We can love people who are not really compatible with us. This may sound paradoxical and illogical, but this is true.
Love is not all time worth sacrificing yourself. Loving means you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help mind for another person and their needs as well. But I know you are asking yourself in the middle of the night, “Is it worth it? What am I sacrificing for?” It is normal for both people to sacrifice their own needs, desires, and time for each other. But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s ambition, and one’s life purpose just to be with someone, then that’s going to be problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we are enduring a disrespectful, abusive relationship then we are allowing love to consume us.
You can fall in love with different people in your lifetime. You can fall in love with people who are good and bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy and unhealthy ways.
There can be a lot of loves you’ll encounter in your life, but once you lose your self-worth, self-respect, your ability to trust, your goals and aspirations in life, they are hard to get back.
Love is great. Love is essential. Love is wonderful. But love is not enough.