Today I had a deep conversation with my aunt about finding love and relationship. Truthfully, these past few days I’ve been thinking of giving up love, relationship, and marriage. “Why?” you might ask because my mind kept on telling me that I am unlovable and I am not worthy to receive such unconditional love from another person. I might not be capable enough to be a good wife and mother in my future family. Even if I am feeling that way, there’s still a part of me wishes to be married and have kids of my own.
So, let me share my aunt’s four pieces of advice on finding love, relationship, and marriage:
1. Never pressure yourself. Don’t be pressured by your peers, relatives, or even family. Never go into marriage or a relationship when you are not prepared physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially. Pursue a relationship when you feel that you are ready for it.
My Take: I agree on my aunt. These past few days, I feel like being pressured on producing an offspring for my parents to be grandparents. I felt that I should just get pregnant and not marry at all. Though, I thought of that idea as pure selfishness. I don’t want my child to grow up without a father. I am throwing that idea away. Also, my aunt said that I underwent in a period of depression in order to make myself more stronger, so when I experience breakup or whatnots in a relationship, I would be able to handle myself well. Maybe, though I still don’t know my reaction to those kinds of things.
2. Know why you want to be in a relationship. Why do you want to pursue or be in a relationship? Is it because you just want to date? You want get married? You want to have sexual intimacy? You want companionship? You should know your goal, your purpose of going into a relationship.
My Take: My aunt said that dating is fine, because it enhances and helps you build your self-esteem and character as a person. Though, you should have a very strong reason why you want to be in a relationship, in order for you to determine your boundaries as a person. As for me, since I could still feel that desire to get married, I am leaving a little spot on my heart for this thing called love.
3. Don’t look for love, it will find you in due time. Don’t post that you are looking for love, love will find you in due time. Don’t ask for your parents to find one for you, let yourself find that person.
My Take: I agree again on this. The more you look for love, the more it will hide itself away from you. So, just enjoy the season and life, love will find you in its perfect time. Maybe, it might come when you are not expecting it or when you are already nearly giving up of the thought and desire. Don’t look for it, just stay still and let it find you.
4. Never commit yourself unless you are sure of it. Do not make any commitment yet, unless you are sure on your goal. You need to know the boundaries of the relationship, so you can avoid doing mistakes or unwanted pregnancy.
My Take: I agree as well on this. Never make commitment and you should know the boundaries between you and that person’s relationship (read number 2). Unwanted pregnancies happens because you forgot the limitation of your relationship. My aunt said, sometimes men goes into a relationship to fill their sexual desires. Ladies, know the boundaries of your relationship!
Conclusion: I hope that you have learned something on this post. I did not include my biblical perspective on this though. Ladies and Gentlemen, please take note of this if you are finding love or wanting to experience love from another person.
