I know it’s easier said than done, trust me, I really know it. Why? As you’re guessing, I’ve been there myself. Getting out of a toxic relationship is not as easy breezy as counting your steps 1,2,3. It would crack up your head, it would make your heart shatter into bits and it could even turn you into another version of yourself that you didn’t expect would come out. I know you’re thinking about the times or years you have been together. What about the memories? Should I just throw them all away? What if I can’t find a better man? What if my heart can’t fall in love again with another person? Would I really make it without him? Could I really survive without thinking of ending my life? Oh no, not this last one though! But these are the common questions that you would ask yourself in the middle of the night after a horrible fight with your guy or girl. I know you had been so sweet at a certain period of the relationship. Those days when you were both in a crowd but all the people in the background were just blurry and you could only see each other. Those rainy nights when he was there holding your umbrella, bought your coffee, those late night walks and talks. Those vacations that you spent with each other away from the town, away from the world. You had each other and you made him your world. For those times you had him, he loved you and you were convinced so you gave it all. Sure it’s hard to go on without him when you have made him your world, when your life means him. I can’t blame you, of course no one can. It’s love, “love is either crazy or it’s nothing at all” as the author Milan Kundera professed. It may be unconsciously but loving could really make us lose our rationality. Yet those are just your memories now, just like seasons, they already passed. So why are you asking yourself to decide if it’s time to let go and if you can let him go? It is because things are different now than before. Because the “honeymoon stage” was long over. It is because you always find yourself crying. A week would not pass without a terrible argument, with all the shouting and the cursing, him hurting your feelings, you hurting him. It is now stressing you out or worse it is already draining you. So why would you still stay? Because of love, because you’ve been with each other way too long, because you’re used to be with him. I know these are your possible answers.
Having differences and arguments are normal in a relationship but if they are draining you already and making you feel like you’re sinking and he is fading every single day, are you sure it is still worth the fight? When you feel more alone even when you’re with him. When you feel less and less of being yourself. It is not easy to get out of this, I know. I believe that a relationship is not just about good times and happy days. Sure you have tried many times to fix it, perhaps you are trying too hard. When you find yourself always waiting for him, begging for him to change, to give you time, to get back to how you were before. Love shouldn’t be like that, right? Love should not make you question your worth. Think about it, you say you love him so much but how much can you love yourself? It is not easy to let go but believe me when you do, it feels lighter, you’ll feel younger and love, you will give yourself a very big favor.