To the Musician I cannot love,
I have never confessed the real feeling that I have felt for you because of its uncertainty.
Knowing also that it’s not proper for a girl
to do such first. However holding back those feelings for years felt so unreal.
I started to confront my feelings if I was really in love with you but still end up finding no reason. What for?
Even though I’ll get the answer it will not matter anymore and it will never be reciprocated. Even if I didn’t tell you, even if we never confessed with each other. You obviously know it well.
Beforehand, You will still choose not to give me false hope. Your intentions were so clearly honestly hurting yet comforting.
You’re protecting me from the love you cannot offer. Even if you didn’t say it directly.
Out from quietness, You’re just so truthful with your words and actions, that I can’t even hate you. I’m tearing apart yet I felt secure with the reality you are trying to let me understand.
How can I not love you?
When I can’t overcome with this feeling?
I’ve known you as a musician who is passionately using his talent for a purpose. You became an inspiration when I don’t have the guts to show off my talents confidently. I love music as much as you do.
I even compose songs for you, wrote unsent letters and poems.I don’t know how I made this far but one thing for sure I was hurting and broken along the way figuring out how to patch this void . I’m doing fine of pretending that I moved on when in the sense I was just holding back.
How can I not love you?
I witness how you value your skills just as how your dad means to you. The beauty of art and musicality that is innately rooted in you tells a lot, it became your story, it became who you are. And I almost fall for it.
You’re an artist that other girls would dream for. I can’t deny that I like and admire you for being sentimental with what you do. The way you put your heart into it I see no doubt but commitment and devotion.
That no matter how the rhythm of this life hits you so bad.
You can just serenade it through the waves of pain and mend the hurts you never talk about.
You can always find that consolation inside of you, the therapy and serenity that other people can’t give to you.
Music was your safe space when no one wants to hear you out. A man like you was not fond of talking how awful you feel. You just love to hoard things in mind and let it pass. You care differently and gently without intense admonishing. I can’t tell you more but that’s the way I perceive you.
Though I cannot love you,
I hope and I pray that no matter how this world changes. You will still that the same boy whom his father wants to see in the future. Can’t wait to see you to be that man.
A man who is fine descent out from toxicity, far from being chained with past agonies, enjoying the gift of life being content and fulfilled.
I know we have come to terms that we all fall short with the love that we want to give however we can’t give what they deserve and we regret it so much. We tried yet we failed multiple times.
But the good thing about it is we allow ourselves to find its own phase and healing.
We both know that we have just met
Not to be with each other
But to build back what we have lost in the process not the same but we can still create and continue life with the dearest people closest to our hearts.
That out from the misunderstandings, wrong assumptions
We change independently
We both grow and became better
That’s all really matters.
Hoping that when the time is right
We can have our own story separately
Whom God is the author and the match maker of it.
I don’t know how to end it, it’s up to God to continue…Finally I could say that I’m letting this feeling go after long years of holding back…
Wish you well, thank you for being a realization…
– Your #1 fan since 2013
