I never thought I’d like you until I felt this much of pain from letting you go.
When you came into my life, I let you in almost immediately and became the exception in the most unexpected ways. I broke my own walls, came out of my comfort zone and saw you in a different light. I had too much expectations; more than I can handle.
I have listened to all your stories, made time for you, and let you know that I am here. Always here. I have always felt that I have known you for a long time even though we just chatted for a few days, weeks. I have felt that you were this close to me the moment you touched my hands. I really thought you were that interested with me but it was heartbreaking to know that it meant nothing for you. I blame myself for letting you in my comfort zone now I longed for the next meal that I can prepare for you. I have already let you in. Let you sink in my thoughts and said a lot of prayers for you. For us.
I never expected the Lord’s answer to be this painful, but I have to accept. Learn. And move on. We share the same values and beliefs, and I like how nationalistic, family-oriented and God-fearing you are. It was to that kind of personality that I am willing to submit. Just as I have told you, it will not be hard for me to choose to fall in love with someone like you. But we are not meant to be together, at least not at this very moment. I don’t want to wait for you until you get yourself ready ‘cause I am trusting that the Lord had a set timeline for the both of us, whether we are both in each other’s life or not.
I missed you. So much, it freaking hurts. But I know I am on the tipping edge; the losing side. I know how it hurts to love and not to be loved back. And I don’t want to be on that side of coin for the nth time. It was just a little bit harder when I know you don’t have anyone else with you when we can be together. I am so used to being alone that the time we spent together felt too much of joy and excitement that I don’t want to let go, just yet.
Maybe in time, I can finally get over with my feelings for you. Maybe by then, we can be friends and talk about everything under the sun. But for now, let me feel the hurt and pain. The Lord is near to the broken-hearted (Ps. 34:18) and His love will be enough for me now. I will still pray for you. That He may lead you to the path that He had prepared for you; whether that includes me or not. I hope for happiness and comfort for you. Till we meet again.
