50 Shades of Red

He said, he loves you with all of his heart, mind body and soul and would protect your heart but then…

he disappears.

His random confessions each time he vanish or runs off:

You are my changing lady.
You are the reason why my character is changing.
You are the reward for all the love I have given away to people that didn’t appreciate it.
I feel p e r f e c t when I am with you.
You are my happiness.

You are the source of my joy and peace.
I have issues expressing my emotions but I try, Baby.
You are my secret love.
I have never loved anyone the way I love you.
No one loves you the way I do.
I want to be your last and I’m working on it.

I see us living in the future… together, do you see us too?
I am deeply and undoubtedly in love with you.
I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with you.
I have looked into my life and it has no meaning without you.
You live in my heart forever.

You are on my mind 24/7, 100%.

He stopped communicating but does everything that you remind him to do.

You watch him become the best person he is now.

You sit at the table of his life everyday while he can’t be seen at yours. You continue to be there for him despite his absence because you’ve learned to love him…

unconditionally.

Love is patient,
love is kind,
love is constant and
does not keep a record…

of wrongs.

Somehow, you understand why he isn’t there in your day but you wonder what could really happen if he directly talks to you.

Would he turn into ashes or
would he turn into a stone?!

You miss his messages.
You miss his calls.
His caring voice through a
smile as he speaks.
You miss him in your day.

You miss being close.

He isn’t in your present universe but frequents in your sleep. You casually find him in the avenues… of your dreams.

He resides at the palace of your mind,
sits at the throne of your heart and
calls your soul…

by its name.

He hires someone to have conversations with you, subjects you only shared with him perhaps, to get to know you more but silently freaks out how you traced… it was him.

He hires another to write beautiful and passionate poetry about your love story that leaves you high… on love.

Another to gather his thoughts, create wonderful stories and golden strings of scenes he shares on screen extracted from the previous conversations you only both know that gives you a series of…

mini heart attacks.

You are aware that he needs healing from his toxic past that caged and silenced the truth of his soul for ions of moments of his life… broke his spirit and still haunts him to this day once in a while…

so you let him be.

You let him love you.
You let him adore you.
You let him dream about you and
plan for the future together…

from afar.

Should you let go of the torture of his emotional and physical absence from the relationship?!

Does he want to know how to truly love you?!

Does he want to know the language of your love?!

Does he want to finally find your fingertips…

next to his?!

These thoughts are raging in your head.

So, how do you move on from these 50 shades of (pure) *red?!