To the guy I thought I’m willing to marry, now I know why I’m so scared to trust my heart to you.
Because you’re still unchanged. You’re the same teenage boy without a concrete direction. Someone who is lost and whose heart’s filled with sadness. The same person who proclaims he loves the Lord but his actions speaks sin. The guy who cannot accept criticism. The guy who craves too much validation from other people but claims otherwise. The guy who simply doesn’t care when it’s inconvenient for him.
I’m sorry but no matter how hard I try, I can’t mend your broken heart nor heal your broken soul. I can never satisfy you because what you need is divine intervention. I cannot pretend that your sinful ways doesn’t bother me. I cannot lie that I can’t see contentment, security, and commitment with you.
I’m tired of guessing what you really mean. I’m tired of competing for your attention. I’m tired of enumerating one by one all the things you did that hurt me. I’m tired of begging for your apology.
I’m always scared. I’m always confused. And I always want to run as far from you as possible in the hopes that maybe when we meet again, you’ll be the one for me already.
You said goodbye to me once. And I believed you when you said you were not ready for a relationship yet. But now I am slowly realizing that maybe who you are is not what’s meant for me. That maybe there’s someone out there who would strike as my real match. I’m kinda sad that it might not be you. But who knows?
In the mean time I will just focus on my career and self growth. I will work hard to be the right one for someone. As for you, please don’t dare to shake my feelings again. Please don’t bother to pursue me unless you are whole again.
I will never cease to pray for you. That God will guide you for you to fulfill His purpose. I will continuously pray for your contentment and growth. And I will never stop loving you as friend.
Au revoir!
