silent goodbye

Typical day, with a lousy shirt and pjs sporting your hair tied in a messy bun, you were wearing that large thick glasses while sipping a warm coffee before you head to work, that exact moment when everything else came to blur I knew I was fucked up. From that day onwards, I kept it to myself and to everyone around. Each day I denied what I was feeling but the more I did the more it surfaced. We spent days keeping each others company, hours on the phone, sharing even the most unsensible stuffs, became even closer until one day I fell to my fear – that I am indeed in love with you. I decided to step back and take a break thinking it would make me forget every single thing about you. Long conversations became cold ones, your name which always appears on top of my chatbox was buried to the last and hours of phone calls instantly vanished. It seems it was a kind of goodbye we both heard but none of us has said. I’m sorry for the times I made you feel anxious, that you did something wrong for that kind of silent treatment. Sorry, for I made you feel that you weren’t enough, that someone is more than you. Sorry for pretending I was busy to accomodate your brief stories. Sorry for failing to ask how you day went. Sorry for being unable to take care of you on your sick days. Sorry for not being around when you needed me. I am sincerely sorry for hanging you without a word and I am sorry I fell for you and I chose not to welcome the feeling. There was nothing wrong with you, it was all on me. I know exactly I wasn’t enough. You are precious and well deserving of all the best things in life that I surely cannot give. So from this day forward, I am letting you go but I will never forget all the memories we both made. I may have moved on and forget the feelings, but I will always be the happiest person to see you happy and by that time I can confidently say that all the pain was WORTH it.