Sabi ng Author na si Mandy Hale (New York Times best-selling author and speaker) “It’s okay to let some people remain in your life but not in your heart”. Hmm depende kung ako ang tatanungin; We meet certain people in our lives not by chance, we meet them for reasons. Some will remain, and some will go. Swerte kana kung lahat ng nakikilala mo hindi ka iiwan.
I decided to share this hindi dahil sa bitterness haha. Kundi para maging motivation ng mga babaeng nakatagpo na pero hindi pala sila nakatadhana. Enjoy reading!
To the man na akala ko “The One” You will always have a place in my heart. But I don’t want you in my life anymore. Maybe, my love for you wasn’t good enough to make you stay. I waited for almost 5 years and I think that’s enough. We never had a chance to meet halfway baka nga talagang tayo ang isa sa mga “PINAGTAGPO NGUNIT HINDI ITINADHANA”.
Then finally nagkaroon na ako ng tapang na tanungin ka, Ano ba tayo? Na dapat sa relationship rules ay iniiwasan ng mga babaeng itanong sa lalaki kasi baka ma pressure sila. Wala eh, sa tulong na din ng pinsan at mga kaibigan ko okay lang naman daw na ako na ang magtanong. It came to a point na kailangan ko ng sagot mula sayo kasi nasasaktan na ako. You answered back and said: “SPECIAL SOMEONE”. Ako naman umasa. Siguro kasalanan ko din dahil hindi ako nag set ng “BOUNDARIES” masyado akong nagpadala sa nararamdaman ko. Siguro dahil 20 years old pa lang ako noon, masyado siguro akong na-excite mag ka lovelife hahaha!
I still remember kung paano ka nag eeffort na mag-kausap tayo kahit na may time difference, kaya naman ako nag eeffort din para lang makausap ka. Sa Quezon City pa ang workplace ko that time and you knew that I need to wake up early kasi medyo malayo ang byahe. It was year 2014, I was in Philippines and you were in Canada. Kaya hinanda ko na ang sarili ko na hindi magiging madali dahil miles away ang layo natin sa isa’t-isa. At first, sabi ko sige friendship lang naman. Nagsimula sa “how are you”? Hanggang sa mas nakilala pa natin ang isa’t-isa (getting to know each other stage). It was too late when I realized that for the first time iba na ang nararamdaman ko. I started to fall in love with you. I really did fell in love with you. Akala ko ikaw na ang unang lalaking makaka holding hands ko, first date, makakasama kong manood ng PBA okay lang kahit magkaibang team tayo pero lahat yun akala ko lang pala. Yes! Umasa talaga ako sayo, ilang beses kang nasa panaginip ko haha sobrang kakaisip ko yata. Umasa ako kahit walang assurance from you, if we’re on the same page.
Tapos halos di ko na matandaan kung anong year ka nakauwi, bigla mo nalang sinabi na nasa Batangas ka na. Yung lulubog lilitaw kung magparamdam, eh ako naman sige lang inintindi pa din kita. Minsan nga iniisip ko baka infatuation lang ang nararamdaman ko, pero hindi talaga. I believed in my intuition. Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko pinagdidelete ko ang mga conversations natin na halos kina lungkot ko din, kasi yun lang ang memories na mayroon tayo, pictures of us while talking. I became honest with you about myself, everything about me. I told you that I’ve never been in a relationship (NBSB). I was confused when you told me that I’m different from all the women you’ve met. Siguro dahil alam mong may pagka-old fashioned ako Haha! And I thank you for respecting those beliefs. Thank you for listening to my stories, sa pamilya man, sa kaibigan at lalo na sa school, ang dami ko na din palang naikwento sayo.
Last year 2018 of December, you messaged me through Skype and you were asking me if I’m okay as if naman na okay ako. I replied and said “I’m okay” (but deep inside I wasn’t) parang biglang bumalik lahat. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “Okay na ako eh ilang buwan na tayong walang communication tapos babalik ka na naman?
Nag usap tayo kung ano ba ang nangyari sa atin. Kung tutuusin isang ride lang ng bus pwede na tayong magkita pero hindi nangyari. Nagtatalo pa tayo kung sino ba ang nagkulang sa effort. Nauwi sa sisihan. You told me you waited for so long. Bakit? Ako ba hindi naghintay? Pero masaya ako na concern ka kung nasaan man ako ngayon. Anyway, I’m not blaming you sa naging ending natin. Why it didn’t work out? Why we never had a chance to be together. Alam ko na may kasalanan din ako. You’re not the only one to blame. I also blamed myself (many times).
Thank you for coming into my life. You made me happy for almost five years kahit na on and off ang communication natin. Hindi man nag work ang long distance communication para mabuo ang “sana” na mayroon tayo pero masaya ako na naging bahagi ka ng buhay ko. I hope and will pray na makatagpo ka ng babae na mamahalin ka at kaya mo ng panindigan. Baka pinagtagpo tayo para mas matutunan kung paano magmahal, maghintay, at mas maintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang kahulugan ng LOVE.
Yes, I cried because of you, I doubted and blamed myself why it didn’t work out. Again, thank you! And I want you to know that I’ve moved on!!!! You taught me how to love and to wait patiently. Akalain mo yun FIVE YEARS! Nakapag hintay ako ng limang taon sayo, syempre kakayanin ko din na hintayin si Mr. Right in God’s perfect time. Hello in advance sayo Mr. Right Hahaha! “You’re the one that I can’t wait to see” opps! Lyrics ng kanta yan ahh. HAHA!
Yes! Thank you God. It took me years to realized. God spoke to me and said: “Wag kang magmadali hindi siya ang inilaan ko sayo kaya ganun ang nangyari”.
PS: To all women out there, don’t hesitate to love again, pero learn to set boundaries. Ang pagiging single ay hindi sumpa. Sabi nga ni Rissa Singson Kawpeng “There’s nothing wrong with being single, Single is your state; it’s not who you are”. Why not, mag invest ka muna sa sarili mo, mas maglaan ka ng oras sa pamilya, kaibigan, mag travel, i-improve ang career, at gawin yung mga goals na hindi mo pa nagagawa, mag save para pag dumating na ang lalaking inilaan ni God okay kana, hindi kayo nganga sa future, at higit sa lahat ito ang panahon na mas may oras kang makilala at maging malapit kay God. Be wise! I know waiting is quite tiring pero its worth it after all. Don’t settle for less and know your worth, wait for the man who will love you like how you deserve to be love. Have patience in waiting. Simple lang naman wag kang mainip.
Magtiwala lang tayo sa plano ni God.
